Tabloid Journalism Informs the Masses of Zombies

By Zombie Hunter Sam

In my wanderings across the news, horror, feeds and depths of the Internets for all things zombie, there’s one thing I forgot: Tabloids. As Tommy Lee Jones said in MIB, they are the “Best investigative reporting on the planet. But go ahead, read the New York Times if you want. They get lucky sometimes.”


ALBUQUERQUE, NM – The U.S. government is using brain-eating chemicals to turn Americans into Zombies.

The mainstream media and the scientific dictatorship of the United States Federal Government is giving Americans brain-eating vaccines and putting brain-eating chemicals into the water supply. These chemicals, whether ingested by mouth or injected through the skin, virtually rewire minds into a state of subservient compliance so that their natural instinct to rebel against tyranny is neutered. They also make people want to eat more broccoli.

However, as reported a few years ago, brain eating amoeba found in lakes in the American Southwest has been known to slowly kill people with zombie like symptoms.

A similar article can be read here, with talking head video. Brain Eating Vaccine: Alex Jones on Vaccines (Image courtesy this article).

This is fantastic stuff. Whether you follow conspiracies, zombie culture, or have your escape plan ready — stay in the know. Remember, stay low, keep moving, and remember to double tap.

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Filed Under: Science · Sickness · Undead

7 million infected

  • 1 PurpleEater Aug 4, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    Hey, I like Broccoli.
    Oh no…

  • 2 adam Aug 10, 2010 at 6:39 am

    notice how they conveniently don’t mention what the chemical(s) are, despite them being presumably available to the public at large?

    just conspiracy theory garbage.

  • 3 Dookie791 Aug 10, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    Heh heh heh… sucks for you. I have a water well :) Unless they have infected the ground water…i did walk into a pole recently… my brain is starting to detioar….damn it! nwo i cnat spel,

  • 4 logan Aug 11, 2010 at 10:38 am

    we got well water too….fell in it once. Harder to infect than a local water system I’m guessing.

  • 5 Wit's End Aug 14, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    Meh. This is just another example of modern fetishism. There ARE brain-eating chemicals in our food, water and air. But there is no conspiracy about it. 70,000 industrial chemicals are in use and only 20-odd of them have been tested for health effects.

    Not sure about the broccoli part though…

    It’s just like all the contrail believers. I keep telling them, there’s no reason to concoct mystery chemicals sprayed by non-existent conspirators for murky purposes to explain dying trees and cancer – when burning fuels emit BILLIONS of tons of toxic nitrous oxides, sulphur dioxide, and volatile organic compounds into the atmosphere every year, all of which eventually return to poison vegetation, wildlife, and eat our brains.

    Love your blog!

  • 6 PurpleEater Aug 23, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    Well, this was from a Tabloid. I thought it was supposed to be intentionally unbelievable.

  • 7 theshadedone May 29, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    Ironically fluoride was used by the Nazi was given to prisoners in concentration camps, the effect was said to rewire the brain to make them subserviant. Hmmm maybe this is real story. They say its good for you, but is it? Go ahead read up on it and see what you think.

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