Why Zombies?

By Zombie Hunter Sam

dixiemall_019.jpgThe odds for a zombie apocalypse actually happening may be only slightly higher than the odds for the Cubs winning the world series, but that doesn’t prevent people from stockpiling food, guns and beer.

Don’t forget about tomorrow’s Zombie Walk in Millenium Park, Chicago!

If there’s one question that refuses to die from friends, readers and the government, it’s “Why Zombies?”. Zombie lore abounds in the Weltgeist, popular culture and even music videos. There’s a new zombie movie every month from Zombie Strippers to Diary of the Dead. Max Brooks’ World War Z and his Zombie Survival guide are national best sellers. Zombie video games are finally reaching the PC audience, such as Left 4 Dead and the web-based RPG, Urban Dead. Zombie walks are also popular, such as the pub crawl this April in Chicago, and the thousand person plus zombie walk this Saturday in Millenium Park, Chicago.

Looting, shooting heads, surviving in urban ruins, packing machine guns — a scavenger hunt to survive. Zombie fans agree — living in a zombie apocalypse sounds like brainless fun!


dixiemall_097.jpgA return to simpler things, fighting for survival, unremorseful killing and headshots, living on the run and an ever present danger are a few ideas that get tossed around when mentioning a zombie apocalypse. The archetypal one-against-many story makes one a hero if they survive the apocalypse and a legend if they kill hundreds or thousands of zombies. There’s a certain romanticsim that comes about when one pictures a zombie apocalypse, and I think a lot of that has to do with what Hollywood and fiction have been feeding us. Let me assure you though, a zombie apocalypse will be far from romantic ideals, if you survive the initial panic.

The naive “return to simpler things” idea conveniently leaves a few things out: you’re sure as hell never going to have a cheeseburger again. Think about it, do you really want to live in a world without burgers and fries? Yeah it doesn’t seem so fun. In the event of an apocalypse, you won’t have access to electricity, gasoline, the Internet, and Gods help you if you get an infection or a toothache. The only doctors in an apocalypse are those who amputate and the only dentists are those who extract — it’s a return to times before electricity and running water. Are you ready? You may have beer, but it will all be WARM BEER.

Unrepentant Killing

I think it’s an unspoken desire that in a zombie apocalypse, we’ll be able to kill what used to be humans at will, remorselessly and by any means necessary. It’s the darker half of the human create/destroy dichotomy that we’ll be able to freely execute. Imagine you and your uninfected loved ones, back to back with rifles in hand, taking aim from your stronghold in some remote northern Michigan location. It all sounds pretty freakin’ awesome. The ability to shoot any dead thing that moves sounds pretty fun, but the best part is not having to pay taxes on all those bullets and your hard work.

The headshots you’re planning on taking? I hope you’ve saved up enough ammunuition, because unless you make camp in Fallujah there won’t be dead soldiers and ammo stashes laying about like in your video games. A zombie apocalypse is tough love when it comes to reloading. You had better have one sharp sword at your side.

Living in an Abandoned World

dixiemall_166.jpgYou’ll find multi story hotels, trees growing on roofs, monolitihc train stations and dead urban centers and I’m not talking about today’s Detroit. It will be like that everywhere in the undead future. Some zombie fans have an interest in urban exploring. Urban exploring is a hobby (or lifestyle or obsession) that involves finding and exploring abandoned buildings, towns, tunnels, subways and the cemetaries. Investigating and photographing such things accurately mirrors the post-apocalyptic world. When you investigate an abandoned mine or hotel, you’re responsible for your own life — water, first aid, safety and common sense will keep you alive. Every urban explorer has a curious nature to investigate and wonder why, what and if.

The great cities of the world will be epicenters of disaster in an undead pandemic. Survivors may attempt to make strongholds in malls or skyscrapers, but resources will be limited, parties will be required to scavenge for supplies and food, and those left behind will join the shambling legions of urban walking corpses. Many survivors will flee to the open plains and small towns, where survival has a higher chance. Given a large enough timeline, undead population dispersion will be more or less homogenous, with slightly larger populations in geographically isolated areas, urban areas and attracted to survival camps. Large cities will become hotspots for scavenging and resource gathering, and this is where the urban explorer curiosity comes in. The UEr has much experience investigating and gathering information about unknown places and the hazards they pose.

Why Zombies? Because it’s going to be AWESOME.

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Filed Under: Preparedness · Undead

11 million infected

  • 1 Crystal Starr Aug 14, 2008 at 6:25 am

    I for one do not think of the cool aspects and a zombie outbreak does scare the pants off me. What’s even scarier is the fact that, with today’s research and technology, it could happen. If there is at least one slight chance that a mindless zombie is gonna try to eat my brains I would like to think I would be ready for it.

    However, if you imagine about 10,000+ zombies marching up main street going “Tofu… **groan** Tofu!” that is bound to get a few laughs and I for one would be laughing while I’m reloading.

  • 2 matt Sep 8, 2008 at 2:14 am

    while its a scarry concept you know that the public is unaccepting.

    if the government started an awareness thing or built shelters there would be a riot.

    poor stubborn zombie bait

  • 3 mike Oct 14, 2008 at 11:07 pm

    i live in new mexico, we have a mall in albuquerque thats been abandoned they just got done filming terminater 4 there its pretty creepy to walk around can only imagine if the undead where hoaling for flesh at the windows

  • 4 specops Dec 8, 2008 at 5:59 am

    I live in a really small town, population about 20-40 people, we have a church, and the closest town is Ashley OH, and its about 7-8 miles north, im surrounded but about 2 miles of farmland and woods all around. the only time i ever see people here is if they are driven by, its almost like visiting a abandoned villige, or it would seem a zombie invasion has already taken place here, so honestly im somewhat accustomed to the prolonged lonelyness the appocolypse holds, me and my yugoslavian SKS and my abbundance of ammo, my lovely combat gear from the Ohio National Guard, and my trusty 130 lb rottweiler Star got it made.

    same goes with everyone else in this town lol, we have more guns in this town then the armory i drill at has ammo, its insane, so i would say pitch a couple of fences with easly aquired constina wire, some spotting towers, and one main gate reinforced with steel rebar and a 4×4 truck with a plow in the front, and a couple armed personell and id say we got our selfs a hansom fortress with a bunch of gun nuts to hold it down.

    but i do say i would be sad if i had to depart with the cheese burgers and the electricity,

    so just out of curiosity, where would you all guys hide/fortify? i got a small town, with a couple houses full of weapons and ammo, but im intrested in what are your guy’s plans for when were walking knee deep in undead cannibals,

    Sam im espeacially intrested what you got cooked up, since your thy zombie expert and #1 source of zombie info

  • 5 Sam Dec 10, 2008 at 6:39 am

    Thanks for writing specops. You’ve got a pretty solid plan, I see you’ve thought it through. What about food, electricity and sustainability? Electricity isn’t an absolute necessity in a holocaust, but it sure makes things easier. You will need long-term food solutions. Think two years per person, but that’s a heck of a lot of water as well.

    Also, think of what may happen as headshotted zombies continue to pile up arond that fence… they may start climbing over each other. You’ll need a second perimeter or a sweep and clear team for corpse removal.

    My basic plan is to think small, think local. Stay low, and keep moving. Personally, I think there would be more of a problem from survivors than packs of undead. I’d stay out of urban areas, but I know my way around pretty good.

  • 6 river Jan 11, 2009 at 9:53 pm

    wut if the zombies were like left 4 dead they could climb fences and stuff and ive always wanted a zombie appocolyps to happen i have alot of common sense like seriuosly it would be sooo fun if it happens im only 14 but i really no how to use a gun and another thing some of my friends say that if there undead then how can you kill them and i say shoot em in the brain but they say but there all ready dead but isnt the brain the only thing thats actavated.

    oh ya and were would be a good place to hide out for a while

  • 7 Sam Jan 12, 2009 at 12:01 am

    River: it’s not going to be fun. Imagine never being able to eat a cheeseburger or a veggieburger (gross), ever again. Now imagine that’s because everyone who is ever involved in the process of making a burger is now dead. Dead, rotting and walking around looking to eat YOU. Now imagine your tired, cold, hungry self hiding from the daylight, avoiding the rain, and just praying to whatever vengeful god will listen that the smell, the terrible smell and the endless moaning will go away.

    It won’t.

    However, a good place to hide is a place you know inside and out, hopefully with a month of water, food, and ammo. Don’t let anyone know where it is.

  • 8 Orange glint Oct 26, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    specops ima come to ur house =D. I live in smithville ohio, witch is also full of gun nuts but its population is like 300.

    Oh and most pepole call it urban splunking

  • 9 mike Oct 28, 2009 at 11:39 am

    yeah best to start weening yourself of luxory foods, stock up your bug out vehicle and bag with canned food. canned food well last at least a hundred years, if kept dry. makes you wonder, if it got to a class four outbreak, would u even want to survive? or would that gun start lookin like an easy way out?

  • 10 Orange glint Nov 10, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    Ive debated that a while mike. If zombies broke into my barricade and im screwed id probly light up a crapload of explosives and shoot as many as i can for fun till they explode

  • 11 mike Nov 11, 2009 at 1:19 pm

    personally id go down fighting, take as many as i can with me. if i were bit, id probably use up all my ammo
    then start hackin with the katana. if i turn, there will be that many less for somone else to clean up. if theres any chance at all youll make it unscathed ,take it

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