Hollywood Teaches Zombie Preparedness

By Zombie Hunter Sam

Zombies!Several people have commented about the validity of some Undead Report articles and the factual basis for zombies in general.  They wonder if everything on here is for real; ‘Are there real zombies?’, ‘Are you serious?’, ‘Do you really believe in zombies?’. The answer they seek to these questions is unfortunately blurred by what Hollywood, Max Brooks, and George Romero would have you believe. Even with these biases, my answer is yes. Here’s why.

Romero’s biting social commentary is perhaps only slightly more accurate than his portrayal of walking corpses. The important thing to understand about his and other zombie movies is the feeling of alienation, survival and horror of one against thousands. You may already have hunting skills, HAZMAT gear, and a dozen zombie DVDs, which is an excellent way to prepare for the Zombie Holocaust. Any survival traits, carpentry skills and improvisational cooking abilities you have often extend into the realm of practicality. When it hits the fan, you’ll be a useful partner, but I could really use someone to marinate a steak for me.

What a crock of sh!t…you guys sound ridiculous.

Self reliance is key, you must be able to understand your surroundings, interpret how that relates to areas you cannot communicate with, and best formulate your plan for immediate and long term survival. The people hiding in Romero’s cabin had it good for a day or two, until help came. Even then the rescuers caused more harm than good for our sole survivor. In real life help may not be available or very helpful as any survivor of Katrina can tell you. Any skills, fortitude and ideas you have for living on your own with literally no help from other humans is a worthy trait to posess, and is perhaps more important than anything else I can share.

 Two weeks of food in (my attic), blow up mattress, tv, radio, computer, lots and lots of ammo and be able to get in the garage to get to (my) car to go to Alaska so the zombies will freeze.

This is a fine plan if militant looters are coming, but against hundreds of insane or undead individuals, it’s not much. I hope the computer is for pr0n, since without power and Internet, its best use is as a bludgeon. There’s no long term plan here, how are you going to have gas to get to Alaska, and what if the highways are clogged with dead cars and not so dead people? This is the guy you find during sweep and clears, his brains splattered from despair and sheer boredom. That ammo will be good for hunting, but realize ammo is heavy, gun stores are few and far between, and blades don’t need reloading. Also: dual wielding looks cool in Dawn of the Dead, The Matrix and Boondock Saints, but two guns in your hands makes it a bit hard to be accurate and impossible to reload. Cracked Magazine paints a nice portrait of what you can learn from all these zombie movies: “If you don’t know what to do when your neighbors start shambling around and getting all bitey, you probably deserve to die”.


Ahhh! Stocking up on food, ammo and all that goodness like Earl Basset in Tremors. Then what? Have a cookout? The problem here is stocking up on too much food means you’ll be stuck in one place. No amount of food stockpile will be helpful if your house is overrun by zombies, bored through by mutant worms, burned or demolished by space meteors. A one or two week stockpile is a good idea, but you’ll want to be on the move.

(On Night of the Living Dead): It was actually really entertaining but I hated the end…

There are only two things that end happily: fairy tales and massage parlors, and life is neither. The ending of Romero’s film illustrates the true horror of surviving in an infested world (and life in general), even if you survive it all and help arrives you’ll still die. Or you’ll die and come back as the undead, but hey, semantics.

2001 was a cover-up. “Terrorists” didnt do it, our own gov did. Hitler did the same thing, attack your own nation to ensure war against another.

Well, I’m not sure how this relates to zombies, but I’ll take a stab at it. You are one.

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Filed Under: Preparedness · Undead

9 million infected

  • 1 ms. zombiiie™ Jun 12, 2008 at 3:40 pm

    hollywood does make a sense of zombie survival and u usually dont believe it…romero is an awesum film maker and he has an uncanny to show the undead on the big screen…

    i find the movies more as how to vids instead of entertainment

  • 2 dave Sep 11, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    you’ve obviously never took into account the zombie survival guide.

    read that, you’ll be proven wrong, my friend.

    hazmat suits slow you down, gun fire attracts more zombies, cars run out of gas. you’d never make it to alaska.

    as for being “reanimated…” this is impossible.

    Solanum causes zombies. Only from live people.

  • 3 Sam Sep 13, 2008 at 8:37 pm

    Thanks Dave. The ZSG does point out many good things on what do do and what not to do. I agree on hazmat suits being cumbersome and mostly useless, but I disagree on cars. A reliable car *will* be essential for some things.

    However, Solanum is fiction. Read more about how Solanum is Fiction on my eponymous article.

  • 4 Lash The Typhoon, Zombie slayer Sep 24, 2008 at 2:07 am

    Yes yes and Yes. All i can tell you is, Read my Blog on myspace called Typhonic Freakout. It covers my views on Zombies and what i think about Hollywood and Zombies. Add me so we can share thoughts.

  • 5 James Blackflame Mar 24, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    You’re all nuts, which is why this is entertaining. Listen carefully… THE ZOMBIE APOCOLYPSE IS NOT COMING!!!

    Do you ACTUALLY believe in zombies? It is medically imposable to reanimate the dead. It can’t be done. You can try until you are blue in the balls. Imposable.

    It is a very interesting subject… *I* like zombie movies… I have several… but it’s never gonna happen.

  • 6 Sam Mar 25, 2009 at 2:30 am

    Hi James. I semi-agree with you on one point: reanimating dead bodies is pointless, and cannot happen. But as some articles on my site indicate, there is a point where we can reanimate the shortly dead bodies of dogs. My research indicates that zombies will not be the traditional undead ghoul, they will be like the “28 Days Later” irreversibly infected and contagious person.

    I agree: reanimating the dead is impossible with current technology and process of decomposition.

    I disagree: I believe a zombie apocalypse is probable given the right circumstantial conditions.

  • 7 James Blackflame Mar 25, 2009 at 2:42 am

    And what, may I ask, are these circumstantial conditions?

  • 8 Sam Mar 26, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    Think brain parasites or an altered/mutated form of rabies/madcow disease.

    “The most probable cause of a zombie pandemic would be through an opportunistic or mutated parasitic organism or virus. Virii remain the dominant form of life on the planet, able to quickly mutate, adapt and change to live (and kill) a variety of hosts.”

    I wrote about it extensively here: http://www.undeadreport.com/2008/01/a-statistical-analysis-of-real-life-zombies/

  • 9 Gabriel Léger May 28, 2009 at 2:38 am

    I am reluctant and regret to inform you that WE ARE ALL FUCKED!

    — Reanimation can also be the central column of potential to heal any disease, infection or laceration known to human kind…does that include H1N1? or does it start with it? >.> Is the government really to blame? or are we just playing with the wrong things and trying to make the ” Imposable” (as james puts it) really happen? Were trying finally to put a stopper in death. no force in the universe (be it spiritual or physical) is going to allow us to get away with this.

    The end is Nigh my friends and my enemies. Now might be an excelent time to pray your heart out to god. cuz riding this out just seems UNREAL. Cars or no cars, Guns or no guns, rising from the Grave or being placed in it WEre Done! Things get messy and the government cant hide it for ever. My heart go’s to those already cut off from communication because of this World War Z. May you live for ever…

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