In my wanderings across the news, horror, feeds and depths of the Internets for all things zombie, there’s one thing I forgot: Tabloids. As Tommy Lee Jones said in MIB, they are the “Best investigative reporting on the planet. But go ahead, read the New York Times if you want. They get lucky sometimes.”
The Weekly World News had this gem:”BRAIN-EATING VACCINES TURN AMERICANS INTO ZOMBIES”
ALBUQUERQUE, NM – The U.S. government is using brain-eating chemicals to turn Americans into Zombies.
The mainstream media and the scientific dictatorship of the United States Federal Government is giving Americans brain-eating vaccines and putting brain-eating chemicals into the water supply. These chemicals, whether ingested by mouth or injected through the skin, virtually rewire minds into a state of subservient compliance so that their natural instinct to rebel against tyranny is neutered. They also make people want to eat more broccoli.
However, as reported a few years ago, brain eating amoeba found in lakes in the American Southwest has been known to slowly kill people with zombie like symptoms.
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Filed under: Science · Sickness · Undead
Rule #1: Cardio. If you want to survive the zombie apocalypse, any apocalypse, or just make it to the top of your staircase without getting winded, you need to be in shape. And if the top of that staircase leads to an open rooftop with Zacks on your trail, you’ll need to jump and land with precision. That’s why training, parkour (urban free running) and good health are essential. Your best offense is escape and evasion, and with that, the good people of St Charles, IL are up to speed.
Rich Gatz, is a 28-year-old lawyer who founded Zombiefit in October of 09. Zombiefit is a fitness program designed to create and enhance physical skills necessary for a world gone mad with slow or fast zombies, bent on destruction and eating the human race.
What if you woke up tomorrow to find your city overridden with zombies, would you survive? This may seem childish, but by preparing for the impossible, you’ll be ready for the improbable.
The keys to surviving Z-day are simple: Be able to lift and throw heavy things, run fast and for long distances, and be able to navigate obstacles and urban environments in an efficient manner.
Are you training? Do you have a plan besides stocking up on guns and barricading yourself in a Wal-Mart? You need to run there in the first place.
Chicago! Zombie fit will come to Grant Park this Saturday July 17th from 11:00 – 12:30! Meet near the Metra station at Van Buren and Michigan.
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Filed under: Defense · Preparedness · Simulation
There are no more bullets. All rounds have been fired into head upon head of relentless zombie, including those from your plentiful .22; not like it mattered — the darn reports drew every curious Deadite and the occasional rabbit from miles around. What else to do? Your trusty AR-15 is now your trusty bayonet holder and club. If only you could retrieve your ammo, and perhaps be a bit more silent next time.
It won’t be all bullets and blades in the zombie apocalypse. Especially if your country has banned sharp and/or explody things. Enter the humble crossbow, modified, re-engineered, and accurate enough for the zombie apocalypse.
You won’t want to be swinging that sword or knife the whole apocalypse right? Your arm’s going to get tired pretty quickly. By using arrows and darts, you can retrieve that ammo, wipe off zombie goo and reload. The PSE Tac 15 is that mighty weapon which will enable you to stalk your undead prey in the dark, without risking exposure from brilliant flashes or noisy reports (and yes, suppressed fire is still loud). The Tac 15 attaches to your standard AR-15 lower receiver, and accepts all standard rail mounting hardware. Scopes, stocks, lights, lasers, grips, bipods — you name it.
Yes, I sell it here. Click below or visit the Undead Report’s Zombie Hunting Gear Store for the Apocalypse.
The PSE Tac-15. Click to buy now!
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Filed under: Preparedness · Science · Weapons
This week, reader Vince from Texas writes in with his plan and pack details. I encourage my readers to send me their tips, objectives, plans and local information from around the US and the world.
Not every zombie plan will work in every situation; one must factor land, environment, urban density, weather, supplies, infection rate and more. If you’re in the north, bring warm weather gear. If you’re running across Texas, you’ll need a lot more water, varmint hunting gear and sunscreen.
Objective:
Escape Austin, TX during high infestation period
Solitary travel 380 miles on foot through countryside
Reach family at end of journey and fortify
If family gone or dead Go to plan B.
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Filed under: Defense · Preparedness · Weapons
Hate Zombies? Own a gun? Want to win an ultimate Anti-Zombie Rifle (DPMS LRT-SASS in 7.62x51mm NATO)? Get your head popping self up to Minnesota this weekend!
The good, gun totin’ folks at DPMS Firearms in St. Cloud have produced a fantastic zombie hunting event with various stages, scenarios, tactical situations, reactive targets and more. A prize table includes excellent zombie rifles, lasers, optics, mounts, kits and more!
Edit: www.OutbreakOmega3.com/
DPMS Firearms, LLC and Del-Tone/Luth Gun Club are hosting another “fun shoot” at the Del-Tone/Luth Gun Range in St. Cloud, MN on April 24-25, 2010.
This is one of the largest zombie shoots in the US. This is a “fun” shoot, any and all are invited. Saturday night includes, a Zombie Hunters Ball, featuring a live band and a pig roast. Staff at the event will be zombified! come as you are, whether it’s a pizza delivery man, ninja, tacticool operator, or office worker. These are real live firearms here, aimed at zombie targets, dummies and the like. This isn’t an HvZ Nerf shoot or a Paintball shoot.
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Filed under: Preparedness · Simulation · Undead · Weapons
