Colony Collapse Disorder is destroying honey bee populations around America. Honey bees are an integral and essential but fragile part of the food chain. Unfortunately like we humans, they are not immune to virii and zombie parasites.

Discovery of the bee parasite and their subsequent strange death came as a surprise to researcher John Hafernik at San Francisco State University. He made the discovery by accident, after he foraged some bees to feed to a praying mantis. The bees were left unattended in a vial and soon began to die, but not in the usual way of sitting still and curling up.

“They kept stretching [their legs] out and then falling over,” said his graduate student Andrew Core. “It really painted a picture of something like a zombie.”

The parasite Apocephalus borealis lays its eggs in the bee’s abdomen. The larvae then push their way into the world, often exiting between the bee’s head and thorax.

The quote from the graduate student is surely sensational and perhaps taken slightly out of context, but mass honey bee death is still quite unsettling. This parasite could be working in combination with many other factors, leading to the mass die-offs. Regardless, there’s only one thing worse than bees.

Zombees.

‘Zombie’ fly hijacks bees’ bodies and may explain die-off (USA Today)

Fly parasite turns honey bees into ‘zombies’: study (AFP)

Parasites spark swarm of zombie bees (The Register)

 One year left.

Z-Day. 2012. The Mayan zombie super-apocalypse. Sensational journalism. Paranoid survivalists. Gun nuts. People out having fun. Boy scouts taking their preparedness to the next level. If you can be ready for this, you can be ready for anything.

2012 and the end of the world has been discussed at length here (dozens of comments pending) and elsewhere. This site naturally leans towards a zombie apocalypse on the 21st of December, 2012. We’re zombie fans, we love this stuff. Take it with a grain of salt as you will. True,  most apocalypse theories and end time projections lack scientific evidence, but we don’t really care. If we can prepare in a year for a be-all end-all apocalypse of local or global scale based on humans turning into something decidedly less human, you can count on a zombie preparedness expert to get you out of a jam, change a flat tire, whip up delicious scorpion stew, or have a solid sate of mind to hear your own fears. We’re there for you, but we won’t hesitate to end it real quick if you decide to get all bitey on us. Just don’t expect us to share our escape strategies and survival plans with anyone, even our loved ones. They will be revealed when necessary.

Doomsday 2012 will certainly be creeping into mainstream media as the year progresses. You may count on a few groups or individuals even creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Y2K, Heaven’s Gate, May21, 2011 — the dates have come and gone, and some of us remain. That may be true come a year, but it doesn’t mean our curiosity will be satisfied on the 22nd.

Research indicates it will be the “Boyle” rage virus, still alive human type of zombie. If you’re looking for evidence, all it takes is a few Google searches and Cracked’s RSS feed. Cracked has posted numerous articles about Z-day. Here’s a few relevant ones to bring you up to speed.

5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen

• Brain parasites (such as toxoplasma or Naegleria fowleri)
• Neurotoxins (like tetrodotoxin)
• Rage Virus (think advanced rabies)
• Neurogenesis (stem cell research causes post-mortem or post trauma brain growth)
• Nanobots

 7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly)

• Natural predators (dogs, wolves)
• Heat
• Cold
• Biting as a bad poor of transmission
• Inability to heal (which assumes dead zombies)
• Natural landscape barriers
• Weapons and people

And a terse list that fulfills a lot of our carnal desires:

5 Reasons You Secretly Want a Zombie Apocalypse

• Guilt Free Violence
• Free Stuff
• Simplicity
• Acting Like a Jerk
• Being the Alpha Dog

Even if the zombie, climate, political, or economic apocalypse doesn’t happen on the 21st, zombie haters will remain vigilant, stocked, and prepared.

It’s not a paranoia, it’s not a fear, or even a desire. It’s a mindset to think “what if” and “how can I be ready”.

Time to start the countdown.

You may be worried about the apocalypse. If you’re a regular at this site, you’re probably quite familiar with it. On a deep personal level, you may even be scared about it, but dissuade yourself often that such a thing could never happen. Chalk that up to being human and being optimistic. When the apocalypse comes, we may just deny its actually arrived.

Researchers in Europe designed a test for participants to determine how people planned for negative events in the future. It turns out, our optimism may screw up our reasoning, even with statistics of said negative events to aid us.

This human propensity toward optimism is facilitated by the brain’s failure to code errors in estimation when those call for pessimistic updates. This failure results in selective updating, which supports unrealistic optimism that is resistant to change.

Statistically, if you think bad things may happen more often — and plan accordingly — you’ll be better prepared. It’s not far stretched to be advised in your zombie apocalypse planning to engage the possibility of natural disasters, meteors and avalanches at the same time.

Be aware of your own optimism. Right now you may be thinking “ah, but when it does hit the fan, I’ll be surviving with my mates in the Army base the next state over, and we’ll all drink beer and have a laugh”. It’s a good idea, and you’ve taken a few steps towards your survival. Perhaps you’re still a little too happy about the whole thing. This is the apocalypse. Someone has to die. Plan for that eventual bite.

Thanks to Reader Lisa for the tip.

How unrealistic optimism is maintained in the face of reality  via

IO9 : Your brain won’t allow you to believe the apocalypse could actually happen 

Zombies, as well as the cinema fanbases, are split into two kingdoms: The George Romero Zombie and the Danny Boyle Zombie. The Romero Zombie is the reanimated, once alive and now dead walking corpse. The Boyle Zombie is the rage infected, fully alive, maddened and contagious, murderous human being.

While this website may discuss cinema on occasion, it focuses on actual zombies, their creation and destruction. National Geographic in conjunction with several scientists and virologists has studied zombies as well and further backs the Boyle Zombie as a potential holocaust agent.

Rabies is a viral disease that infects the central nervous system and can drive people to be violently mad, according to Samita Andreansky, a virologist at the University of Miami’s Miller School of Medicine. Combine rabies with the ability of a flu virus to spread quickly through the air, and you  have the makings of a zombie apocalypse.

If the genetic code of the rabies virus experiences enough mutations, its incubation time could be reduced dramatically, scientists say. Many viruses have naturally high mutation rates and constantly change as a means of evading or bypassing the defenses of their hosts, however viruses aren’t known to hybridize or change so dramatically in nature. There are various ways viral mutations can occur, such as  through copying mistakes during gene replication or damage from ultraviolet light.

Time to start carrying more antibacterial hand sanitizer.

“Zombie Virus” Possible via Rabies-Flu Hybrid?

Photo: Sir Mildred Pierce

Parasites, virii, bacteria, evil alien brain worms. These things can all potentially live inside you and destroy you from the inside out. I’ve written about Toxoplasma before. It’s a parasite that decreases fear in rats, causing them to be eaten by cats. Pregnant women must avoid cats and undercooked meat, as Toxoplasmosis can cause sexual promiscuity, more male births and excessive risk taking. It can make men less intelligent, more jealous and anti-social, cause schizophrenia, or slow reaction times. This little worm can even be the cause of car collisions. Death.

From a report on Toxoplasmosis and car accidents:

“The subjects with latent toxoplasmosis have significantly increased risk of traffic accidents than the noninfected subjects. Relative risk of traffic accidents decreases with the duration of infection. These results suggest that ‘asymptomatic’ acquired toxoplasmosis might in fact represent a serious and highly underestimated public health problem, as well as an economic problem. “

I’m not saying Toxoplasma causes zombism — but it can create strange mental faculties, cause aggression and risk taking and reduce reaction time. Are cats evil? Quite possibly yes.

Are food-borne parasites a major cause of car accidents? – Science that Matters.

Czech scientists discover link between accidents, blood group and parasite – Radio.cz

Here’s some science of the new decade for you: how about draining pigs of their blood, making them clinically dead, and then bringing them back to life?

Naturally, this is a military project, and those always end well. The theory goes, if you drain a pig (which has a physiology similar to humans) of blood and replace it with a cocktail of hydrogen sulfide, you will extend the “golden period” where life saving surgery and medical treatment are possible. Basically, you shut down the brain and heart, placing the patient in suspended animation, and bring them back later.

Dr Matthew Miller working on the project states: “Everybody’s talking about the military use of this, and that’s our focus now.” He continues, “but really, this could be much, much bigger than that.”

This will surely save lives on the battlefield if perfected, but at what cost? Where does mental deterioration and unstable psychosis set in? Agreed, this could be a stretch, but this reanimation research continues.

With a 15-person team working exclusively on this project, successful results are expected within 18 months. “Darpa wants this to happen yesterday, because it was needed yesterday,” Dr. Miller said. Once the team comes up with the right elixir, it’ll undergo federally mandated safety testing. After that, the vaccine will be sent to the battlefield for application to live humans.

One may call it suspended animation, life extension or a zombie vaccine, but the science and research into extended life after death continues.

Resources

Pentagon: Zombie Pigs First, Then Hibernating Soldiers (Wired)

Pentagon Plans Zombie Pig Project: Night of the Living Swine? (Gadget review)

Second Illustration: Marmoto

Class 3 Outbreak is a Flash and Google Maps based zombie apocalypse simulator produced by Binary Space.

It’s about damn time someone made something like this.

Scientists take note: such a tool will be useful in analyzing statistics such as population, area, civil defense and zombie offensive structure.  Variables such as police, citizens, zombies, speed and infection rate can be manipulated to great detail. The current map covers a small section of Washington D.C., featuring stores, streets, parks, police and homes. The default settings of 100 zombies vs. 6000 civilians are distressing, and seem to coincide with a report by science’s R.J. Smith?. See Zombie Mathematical Model: Slim Chances for Survival for more information.

The pathfinding in the simulation is accurate and gory. Gangs of zombies can be seen grouping together and chasing uninfected civilians. Unfortunately, the civilians simply run around in circles  awaiting their inevitable death.

The simulator appears to model buildings and obstacles. Humans gathered in buildings survive far longer, so long as the exits remain protected from gathering zombies. Once an infected makes it inside a building, it turns into a slaughter house.

You want to survive? No sentimental attachments. Stay indoors. Dump the bodies.

Try the simulator. Pick a random survivor as yourself, and see how you do. Class 3 Outbreak

SCIENCE: When the zombies attack, it will lead to the collapse of civilization unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.

How long will civilization have in a zombie attack? A city with a population around 500,000 will have between three and eight days before irreversible catastrophe. This report is based on a well researched, though fictionalized outbreak of the reanimation of the dead. While an uprising of the dead is highly improbable, it remains that a highly contagious and infectious zombie cause could have similar results.

The report was written by several Mathematicians in Canada, notably Robert J. Smith?, an Austrailian who probably sang backup for ? and The Mysterians.  P. Munz, I. Hudea, J. Imad and R.J. Smith? When zombies attack!: Mathematical modelling of an outbreak of zombie infection (PDF)

The researchers chose “classic” slow-moving zombies as our opponents rather than the nimble, fast, and somewhat intelligent creatures portrayed in recent films. “While we are trying to be as broad as possible in modelling zombies – especially as there are many variables – we have decided not to consider these individuals,” the researchers said. This is a fatal flaw in the report, as contagious, “fast” zombies have a 100% chance of happening, over the highly improbably undead.

One should take note on the rising global consciousness of zombies tthrough fear, research, art (through film and literature) and popular culture.  Several keen readers and friends have forwarded me the document, and it has been written about on several blogs and has made the news, including the BBC.

Zombie Epidemiology

Science ponders ‘zombie attack’ (BBC)

Science Proves Zombies Will Kill Us All (Asylum.com)

Scientists claim ‘zombie attack’ would collapse civilization (Current.com)

Mathematical Model for Surviving a Zombie Attack (Wired)

These pieces of information, however, require further research and your immediate concern:

Patient accused of biting off doctor’s fingertip, which is similar to this zombie sighting in May 2009:  Zombie Bite in New Orleans.

Woman Sets Self On Fire In Mall

Undead or infected? Horror movie puritanism or scientific reality? Discussion and debate surrounds not which makes a better film, but which is more likely to happen. You can blame science. The zombie outbreak will most likely be the result of some experiment gone wrong, an adaptive virus, or horrible pathogen. Save a giant UFO hiding behind a comet that animates dead bodies instead of trucks and electric knives, many of us will die by actual, angry, infected humans.

Some possible, semi-grounded in science explanaitons, as offered by Cracked.com:

• Brain parasites  - i.e. Toxoplasma gondii, or Naegleria fowleri.
• Neurotoxins – (Tetrodotoxin, though this just induces a coma-like, non threatening state).
• Adaptaive and aggressive rabies strain or other neurotropic virus  (resulting in aggressive and contagious rabies like symptoms).
• Neurogenesis (recreation and reanimation of brain cells).
• Nanobots (though not a traditional infection, imagine a Terminator like apiocalypse, only with hundreds of thousands of self-replicating, human hating machines).
• Immortal cells - i.e. Helacyton gartleri cancer cells which do not die.

There won’t be reanimated corpses. If you survive the infection, you will be murdering alive, and perhaps conscious humans.

Mr. T is half right. There will be no reanimated corpses. Muscle movement depends upon Adenosine Triphosphate, which depends on flowing, oxygenated blood. Yet Mr. T. overlooks one essential fact: ATP is still be produced by very much alive, maddened and sickened humans. These humans may run fast or slow, but they won’t be dead.

For some horror and zombie purists, no “infected” or fast zombie is a true zombie, they insist only the George Romero Night of the Living Dead slow moving reanimated corpses are actual zombies. These purists often claim the fast running new Dawn of the Dead undead are a new invention and should be left to die. The opposing and newer Danny Boyle 28 Days Later school says zombies are fast running, “rage” virus infected, living humans, and differentiates so by calling them “infected” instead of “zombies”. Unfortunately, the Romero zombie (with a possible exception for voodoo) is only a zombie of film. The virus or disease infected zombie is much more probable. However, the undead and fast running, leaping, Boomer, Smoker, Witch, Tank or Hunter zombies must remain in Left 4 Dead and Resident Evil.

Your zombies will be very much alive, and they will be maddened and they will probably not feel or be aware of pain. They could seek you out, potentially in groups, though solitary or unmindful of other infected is also possible. They will not want to eat your brains, they will only want to viciously attack and bite anything that gets near them. Imagine the cross between a rabid wolverine and a violent, knife weilding psychopath. That’s your zombie, and he or she will be contagious. Headhsots will certainly bring them down, as will multiple center of mass shots, but they will take many bullets before they are terminated.

You’ll need to worry about the people who don’t know they are harbingers of the virus, carriers of disease, or bringers of parasties. Who in your party can you trust? Did that bite really break the skin? Taking care of hordes of the undead may sound like fun, but mom won’t be dead. She’s still your mom. And dad didn’t tell you yet, but she’s pregnant with your baby sister. Are you sure you’re up to this?

If you’ve survived last night, that must mean either A) you don’t live in Flint or Detroit or B) they’re just not burning buildings like they used to anymore.

Zombie Walk

Devil’s Night in Grand Rapids Michigan was a bit more placid than usual. Instead of burning churches like they ususally do, the teeming masses of socially repressed youth and ne’er do-wells rose up against the system by becoming… ZOMBIES.

A world record zombie walk was held last night, with near FOUR THOUSAND zombies shambling about the city. For more information, check out the following articles, and this film clip.

Zombie Walk brings out the dead in downtown Grand Rapids

World Record Zombie Walk, Grand Rapids, MI 

Toxic Blood

Riverside California, 1994: A sick woman is admitted to the ER, with a highly elevated heart rate, rapidly decreasing blood pressure and incoherent speech. Nurses drawing blood notice manila colored particles in her blood. Then they notice the deathly, checmical and ammonia smell coming from it. Then their faces feel burning, they pass out and wake up in uncontrollable convulsions. The hospital is evacuated, and a fully-suited  hazmat team is brought in to manage the strange occurances.

Her blood ends up putting five people in the hospital, some in intensive care, and others suffering from avascular necrosis, a condition in which bone tissue is starved of blood and begins to die. Read that again: the chemicals swirling around in this womans blood, when exposed to air, caused people to pass out, become overwhelmingly sick, and kill their bones. Forensic scientists and several goverment agencies never reached a conclusion (or suppressed their findings) as to what happened to her blood and body.

Analysis of a Toxic Death at Discover Magazine

Halloween Podcast

In case you missed it on the 29th, Red Bar Radio in Chicago interviewed me on their Halloween show. Think shock jocks and real raunchy radio, but they were certainly interested in what I had to say. Either that, or they were a bit disturbed about my waving a knife around and showing up in military gear.

Red Bar Radio podcast – Warning: raunchy, sick humor.