Colony Collapse Disorder is destroying honey bee populations around America. Honey bees are an integral and essential but fragile part of the food chain. Unfortunately like we humans, they are not immune to virii and zombie parasites.

Discovery of the bee parasite and their subsequent strange death came as a surprise to researcher John Hafernik at San Francisco State University. He made the discovery by accident, after he foraged some bees to feed to a praying mantis. The bees were left unattended in a vial and soon began to die, but not in the usual way of sitting still and curling up.

“They kept stretching [their legs] out and then falling over,” said his graduate student Andrew Core. “It really painted a picture of something like a zombie.”

The parasite Apocephalus borealis lays its eggs in the bee’s abdomen. The larvae then push their way into the world, often exiting between the bee’s head and thorax.

The quote from the graduate student is surely sensational and perhaps taken slightly out of context, but mass honey bee death is still quite unsettling. This parasite could be working in combination with many other factors, leading to the mass die-offs. Regardless, there’s only one thing worse than bees.

Zombees.

‘Zombie’ fly hijacks bees’ bodies and may explain die-off (USA Today)

Fly parasite turns honey bees into ‘zombies’: study (AFP)

Parasites spark swarm of zombie bees (The Register)

 One year left.

Z-Day. 2012. The Mayan zombie super-apocalypse. Sensational journalism. Paranoid survivalists. Gun nuts. People out having fun. Boy scouts taking their preparedness to the next level. If you can be ready for this, you can be ready for anything.

2012 and the end of the world has been discussed at length here (dozens of comments pending) and elsewhere. This site naturally leans towards a zombie apocalypse on the 21st of December, 2012. We’re zombie fans, we love this stuff. Take it with a grain of salt as you will. True,  most apocalypse theories and end time projections lack scientific evidence, but we don’t really care. If we can prepare in a year for a be-all end-all apocalypse of local or global scale based on humans turning into something decidedly less human, you can count on a zombie preparedness expert to get you out of a jam, change a flat tire, whip up delicious scorpion stew, or have a solid sate of mind to hear your own fears. We’re there for you, but we won’t hesitate to end it real quick if you decide to get all bitey on us. Just don’t expect us to share our escape strategies and survival plans with anyone, even our loved ones. They will be revealed when necessary.

Doomsday 2012 will certainly be creeping into mainstream media as the year progresses. You may count on a few groups or individuals even creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Y2K, Heaven’s Gate, May21, 2011 — the dates have come and gone, and some of us remain. That may be true come a year, but it doesn’t mean our curiosity will be satisfied on the 22nd.

Research indicates it will be the “Boyle” rage virus, still alive human type of zombie. If you’re looking for evidence, all it takes is a few Google searches and Cracked’s RSS feed. Cracked has posted numerous articles about Z-day. Here’s a few relevant ones to bring you up to speed.

5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen

• Brain parasites (such as toxoplasma or Naegleria fowleri)
• Neurotoxins (like tetrodotoxin)
• Rage Virus (think advanced rabies)
• Neurogenesis (stem cell research causes post-mortem or post trauma brain growth)
• Nanobots

 7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly)

• Natural predators (dogs, wolves)
• Heat
• Cold
• Biting as a bad poor of transmission
• Inability to heal (which assumes dead zombies)
• Natural landscape barriers
• Weapons and people

And a terse list that fulfills a lot of our carnal desires:

5 Reasons You Secretly Want a Zombie Apocalypse

• Guilt Free Violence
• Free Stuff
• Simplicity
• Acting Like a Jerk
• Being the Alpha Dog

Even if the zombie, climate, political, or economic apocalypse doesn’t happen on the 21st, zombie haters will remain vigilant, stocked, and prepared.

It’s not a paranoia, it’s not a fear, or even a desire. It’s a mindset to think “what if” and “how can I be ready”.

Time to start the countdown.

Yes, that’s right. The Undead Report’s Zombie Targets are back! Starting Dec 1, you will be able to purchase and download targets and then print as many as you desire to your zombie hating hearts content!

Fresh from range testing, the targets are here once again for ordering and shooting. The targets are now print-at-home, so you’ll be able to print as many as you want for all your bow-hunting, plinking, Nerf battles, paintballing, Airsoft zombie hunting and dart throwing needs!

The targets will be available individually, or you can save and download the three pack! All targets are 8.5″ x 11″ PDFs and specially designed to print in only black ink for ease of printing at home. Targets include areas to mark weapon information, highlighted killzones and more!

Special discount code will be mentioned on launch day on Facebook and in the chat box for my regular members!

It’s time to prepare. We’ve a little over one year left. Let’s get ready.

You may be worried about the apocalypse. If you’re a regular at this site, you’re probably quite familiar with it. On a deep personal level, you may even be scared about it, but dissuade yourself often that such a thing could never happen. Chalk that up to being human and being optimistic. When the apocalypse comes, we may just deny its actually arrived.

Researchers in Europe designed a test for participants to determine how people planned for negative events in the future. It turns out, our optimism may screw up our reasoning, even with statistics of said negative events to aid us.

This human propensity toward optimism is facilitated by the brain’s failure to code errors in estimation when those call for pessimistic updates. This failure results in selective updating, which supports unrealistic optimism that is resistant to change.

Statistically, if you think bad things may happen more often — and plan accordingly — you’ll be better prepared. It’s not far stretched to be advised in your zombie apocalypse planning to engage the possibility of natural disasters, meteors and avalanches at the same time.

Be aware of your own optimism. Right now you may be thinking “ah, but when it does hit the fan, I’ll be surviving with my mates in the Army base the next state over, and we’ll all drink beer and have a laugh”. It’s a good idea, and you’ve taken a few steps towards your survival. Perhaps you’re still a little too happy about the whole thing. This is the apocalypse. Someone has to die. Plan for that eventual bite.

Thanks to Reader Lisa for the tip.

How unrealistic optimism is maintained in the face of reality  via

IO9 : Your brain won’t allow you to believe the apocalypse could actually happen 

Modern architecture for a modern, scary time. Home design taken to extreme, gritty reality and the strictest building codes: making it zombie proof.

The “Safe House” is designed by polish architectural firm KWK promes. It’s a concrete structure with multiple collapsible panels and roll top doors. The courtyard also has a retractable fence.

The structure is a concrete monolith, and its movable components are composed of light steel trusses filled with mineral wool to ensure insulation.  All exterior surfaces are clad with cement-bonded particleboards, then painted with a dark wood stain.

The house is designed with only a retractable second-floor drawbridge as its entry. There are several sliding glass doors at ground level, but these will be secured when the panels are in place. Though a secure drawbridge entry is ideal in keeping out Zeds, one must also have an effective and well guarded exit, or a difficult time will be had leaving out the main entrance.

Several options come to mind: an underground, distant egress, or expanding upon the existing rooftop deck.

http://all-that-is-interesting.com/post/4956385434/the-first-zombie-proof-house

http://www.designboom.com/weblog/cat/9/view/11219/kwk-promes-safe-house.html

This week, reader Vince from Texas writes in with his plan and pack details. I encourage my readers to send me their tips, objectives, plans and local information from around the US and the world.

Not every zombie plan will work in every situation; one must factor land, environment, urban density, weather, supplies, infection rate and more. If you’re in the north, bring warm weather gear. If  you’re running across Texas, you’ll need a lot more water, varmint hunting gear and sunscreen.

Objective:

Escape Austin, TX during high infestation period

Solitary travel 380 miles on foot through countryside

Reach family at end of journey and fortify

If family gone or dead Go to plan B.

Inventory:

• Paul Tawrell’s – Camping & Wilderness Survival 2nd edition
• plastic bags X4, box of 20 zip lock bags
• hunting knife, diving knife, fillet knife, pocket knife
• machete
• Leatherman(multitool)
• sharpening stone
• 100 ft. polyethane rope
• magnesium flint striker
• 300 yd. 10lb. fishing line on spool
• hooks
• single lense binocular
• 2nd pair hiking boots and clothes in waterproof bag
• cotton gloves, leather gloves
• composition notepads X2, pens X3
• fishnet
• camouflage body paint
• canteen X2 with distilling tablets X10
• watch
• compass
• maps- Austin streets, Texas highways, Texas topographical/landmark, hiking trails of Texas
• windable LED flashlight
• MRE X12
• 20 Gauge shells X120
• 20 Gauge Remington
• And next year when I turn 21 a handgun.
• Gun cleaning kit
• First Aid Kit- needle and thread, gauze, ace bandages, Neosporin, alcohol pads, small bottle of peroxide, etc.
• Night vision goggles with extra batteries
• Soap
• Two way radio, with extra batteries
• Sharpie X3

Pack Explanation

I highly suggest reading Paul Tawrell’s survival book. It covers predicting weather patterns, how to interpret a river’s current, how to hunt, how to trap, what to pack, identifying plants and animals, maps and compasses, navigation, how to build a cooking fire, how to build a campfire, how to start a fire with no tools, first aid, cooking, kayaking, surviving the elements, how to build a shelter, how to build a boat, how and when to travel, improvised bug repellents, and everything in between.

Always carry multiple knives as well as a way to sharpen them. Always be able to tell the time, and KNOW WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN. Darkness is never your friend. Keep guns clean or they will eventually stop working, or jam at the most inappropriate time. Carry plastic bags to use for collecting wild edibles, or keeping bugs off of meat you may get from game. Keep zip lock bags for the same reason. Magnesium flint strikers have about 3,000 sparks in them, work when they are wet, and the sparks are hotter than a lighter flame. Invest in a windable flashlight. When the battery dies down, just wind it up. I would suggest a normal flashlight over an LED only because the brighter the light the easier you are to see, but its preference really. I don’t plan on using it much so I use an LED.

I only packed 12 MRE to save a little weight. The MREs are like emergency food for when I can’t find wild edible or game to eat. I am an experienced deer, duck, and squirrel hunter, and I am a good fisher so I should survive.

Night vision and flashlights are for emergency only. You never know what the future holds so save batteries. Say I use the night vision to travel at night instead of the day, then when I get to my family and they are all gone and took the supplies or are dead then an emergency happens at night and I need them? I’m fucked because I wasted the batteries.

Never assume you can figure out a map and compass. Know how or else you will be lost in the woods, or limited to road travel which can be risky. Knowing how to use a map and compass lets you know how far away you are from resources like natural shelter, food, water, or dangerous areas like cities.

I chose a 20-gauge shotgun because the combined weight of the guns and ammo is substantially less than a 12-gauge, but retains a good kill range. It is also somewhat quieter than a rifle or 12-guage, and easier to handle because it has very little kick to it. On the downside the ammo is harder to find, but in my case I never plan on returning to a city, where the gun would be really needed, once I escape it.

Occasionally flip on your two way and scan all the channels. During an apocalypse communication with military personnel or reclaimer groups could be useful. Always carry a sharpie especially when in the cities. Write on walls, doors, highways, sidewalks, or street signs. Write down useful tips for other wanders. If you want to join groups leave notes of where you are going, were supplies are, if the city up ahead is gridlocked, warn of over infestation, warn of bridges out, or point to good safe zones for others to take a break. I would appreciate finding helpful suggestions every now and then, and am more than happy to leave some for others.

When fleeing an infested area you will more than likely have to kill your fair share of zombies, which means you will probably get blood on you. So, wear gloves, long socks, glasses, hat, long sleeves, and handkerchief around your neck. Carry a second set of clothes so when you are done fleeing you can dump your blood drenched clothes and have something clean to wear. Also, carry soap. A clean body is a happy body.

Morale is a huge factor in survival. If you lose the will to live you will lose your life. One way to keep morale up is to keep a journal, draw pictures, maps, or anything with pen and paper. Keeping track of everything you do will keep you going, as well as help discover patterns. If you document every zombie encounter and read them all over once in a while you may discover things about them or yourself you didn’t know. Such things like you should watch your back more, zombies are sneaky, zombies have bad eyesight, zombies have bad hearing, or zombies only live for about 2 weeks. Since no one knows how zombies are actually going to act or function, having a detailed psych analyses, habit analyses, physical analyses will help you determine exactly the enemy you are facing. We cannot rely on stereotypes in modern entertainment to accurately display zombies. It will be up to us as individuals to determine these facts. Also, if you complete a composition, memorize it then leave it behind. Hopefully your 50 pages of observations will aid others who come across it. I would suggest buying brightly colored ones and leaving them enclosed in something until done with it. That way other survivors who happen through the area can easily identify it, and always label it. I chose ZOMBIE ANALYSIS: IF YOU FIND ME READ ME. So when the apocalypse happens and you find a bright yellow or green composition book with that title, you’re welcome.

Lastly I suggest going to a library and reading books on how to sew, tie knots, detailed instructions on first aid, and any other miscellaneous info that you may need during an apocalypse and practice it all. Knowledge is life, and repetition is the father of learning. Suggested reading: Boy Scout Handbook, Air force pilot handbook(kind of hard to find), Sewing books, Nursing books, Plant Identification books, Animal Identification books, Tracking animals books, Nutrition & Diet books, Psychological Analysis books(how to observe mental stability in others, yourself, and zombies), Physical therapy books, and lock picking books. If you come across a locked door there is probably something useful inside. Remember PRACTICE!

The Plan

First Outbreak (nation) – pack goes from closet to truck, within 100ft of me at all times.

First Outbreak (Local) – This is a single account in the city. Something small that could be controlled. If it is not controlled then it moves on to the next step in the plan. I call in to work, fortify 2nd floor apartment, and warn everyone of the disaster to come!

City Overrun Begins – Set out on foot during next available sunrise. Leaving midday could leave you in the suburbs in the dark, and that is obviously a bad idea. I will have gun in hand, but any local law enforcement or survivors will understand why I have a gun by this point, if there are any left. Stay on small neighborhood roads, and make no attempt to contact or recruit. Going through backyard would be safer until a scared survivor misjudges you and boom your dead. Once out of the city head away from civilization toward family.

380 mile travel – I will travel on small highways, no interstates, stopping only for water or the occasional game I may use for food. Travel stops 3 hours before sundown. First hour is used to head away from the highway. Second hour is used to cook and move further away from the highway, and where you cooked (smoke as well as food smell could give you away). Third hour is used to camouflage a sleeping spot. This continues day in and day out until I arrive at destination.

My Apocalypse Theories

Zombies

I highly doubt that the actual “undead” zombie could function. My research leads me to believe that a “rabid” zombie is more likely. They will have lower intelligence levels than normal, but can still understand basic concepts like doors, noise, urban vs. rural areas, and other easy concepts. My theory on surviving them is hiding. If they can’t see me or signs that I am around such as fire, backpack, etc. they will not find me. That is why I suggest the Air force pilot’s handbook. It is for when a pilot ejects over hostile territory and goes into great detail on natural camouflage and improvised equipment. If they do find me I will treat them as any other person attacking me. One to the chest, and if that doesn’t work then one to the head.

Other survivors

Check on no one. Help no one. Any help I have to offer is done during the first local outbreak, if they didn’t listen the first time their screwed not me. Avoid everyone no matter what. People are too dangerous in a time like this. They will either steal from me or want to tag along. I have packed enough for myself to survive, not enough for me and the occasional straggler or looter. Tag alongs will ALWAYS get you killed. They are untrained, unprepared, and scared. Fear causes mistakes under pressure. Now having a plan with a group who are prepared, aware, somewhat trained is a different story, but I will be traveling alone so…

My Plan B: When things go bad

My plan B goes into action when either I arrive home and my family is dead or gone, or total overrun occurs. By total overrun I mean no military, no civilization, nothing.

At this point I will have come across a world map during my travel which I will then use to navigate to South America. Somewhere in Brazil probably where there are no people. I feel I could survive in a jungle better than any other type of terrain and maybe 4 or 5 years later head back to check on how the area previously called the US is doing. If my theory of the “living” zombie turns out to be true then each zombie could survive between 1 week and 2 months depending on how fast the virus degrades brain function or the level of brain loss, initial infecting wound size, and how much nutrition they take in via human flesh. These estimates are obviously a long shot, and no were near accurate. This is why I chose to remain in Brazil for about 4 or 5 years, but who knows how long it would take them all to die out before you can return to what use to be home.

Other Thoughts

Personally I would avoid any military personnel in the case of an outbreak. The military, in the case of a nationwide outbreak, would more than likely abandon survivors or exterminate everyone. Gather supplies in small towns only if you are 100% sure you will survive. Entering a large city alone or in small groups could be a devastating mistake. I believe zombies will roam, but only from urban area to urban area. With an instinct to hunt for humans they would probably stay in or near civilization simply because that is where most survivors would stay, and this is the reason I choose to flee the city. But, like I stated earlier this is all just guess work.

Gasoline won’t be pumping. Electricity will buzz out. You might have some sun. You’ll need to be on the move. Bikes, cars, trucks, trains, foot or boat, you’ll need to move around, carry supplies, and stay alert while attracting the least attention possible. Before you lay out your fantastic apocalyptic plans, there are several factors you must consider.

Magnitude of Disaster

Will you still have electricity? Gasoline? Are food and supplies readily available? You can’t carry much on your bike, but a car won’t go far once gasoline becomes scarce. Count on the highways being clogged with the dead and vehicles out of fuel. A boat will only take you so far without sail power, and even then, you still require rare fresh water, food and supplies.

Carrying Capacity

A bike is speedy, silent and reliable, hell it’s even endorsed by Max Brooks in his famous guide. However, don’t expect to pack more than a week or two’s worth of food and gear if you’re on a bike. Forget traveling cross-state with a bike, unless you have lots of time and zombies are in short supply. A motorbike is a bit more suitable for off-road use, distance and carrying capacity, but please note it is prone to fuel shortages and is a great attention getter.

Consider  bicycles and motorbikes to be supplemental transportation. You will need them for quick getaways around your area and for ferrying supplies, but attacking and moving are impossible with such a means of transportation. Whatever your gas-powered vehicle, you’ll want a bicycle in the trunk or on the roof, along with your guns, blades, ammo and food.

Practicality

Many potential survivors, several on this site,  want to rig up a Humvee or light truck with armor plating, gun turrets, spikes, chainsaw ports and many other fantastic ideas they nabbed from  zombie movies. This ain’t Iraq folks, and an iron plated vehicle is slow, cumbersome, and eats through fuel. We can rule out the laughable idea of steel-plating a Prius, so let’s not consider that. Your best defense is evading Zack, and an offensive vehicle will still need to be speedy and reliable. If it can break down on you, it will.

Considered an armored vehicle as something for short trips to crucial destinations through very planned and re-planned paths with multiple routes.

Of course, you could always just build an iron-plated storm chaser in the name of science. Ben Anderson of the Examiner has put together a fine zombie apocalypse transportation article explaining just why tricked out visionary vehicles are a bad idea.

Most pre-zombies will spout off the name of some ludicrous military vehicle or giant civilian truck, some even fancy vehicular weaponry (tanks, etc.), as the optimal apocalyptic conveyance. The last thing you need is a damn tank leading an unholy army to your doorstep.

Yes, your armored truck sounds like a fine idea on paper, but it’s hardly executable unless you make a Killdozer, have access to heavy shop materials and posses a valid driver’s license.

Reliability

Stick with what you know. If your car runs well, is reliable and gets good MPG, consider that your #1 Bug Out Vehicle or BOV. Keep it stocked with a good supply of food, water, radios, and perhaps even install a CB and keep some emergency illumination at hand. Flashlights and road flares are good to have anyway.

The vehicle to the left is Elwood, my 2004 Chevrolet Impala 9c1. It’s got a cop motor, a [3.8L V6 3800 Series II], it’s got cop tires, cop suspension, cop shocks. It’s a model made [after] catalytic converters, so it’ll run good on regular gas. He gets little upgrades every now and then to keep him as my reliable BOV. Currently, he has V-Rated General A-A tires, a CB Radio, USB hookups, 400W power inverter and everything the Chevrolet Police Package provides. Elwood is considered my primary BOV for getting me out of town when SHTF; not much but it’s a start. Throw a collapsible bike in the trunk and I’m ready for most any situation.

If you have enough external gas cans, you’ll be good to go with a longer fuel range, regardless of your MPG.

Mission

If you’re going into an urban area, unless the roads are clear, you’ll probably want to be on foot or bicycle. Consider any attempt to enter an urban area to be for recon, SAR, or essential supply gathering. You’ll want to avoid these infested areas at all costs. For this reason, the suburbs and countryside are far better places to search and settle than a metropolitan area.

The Boy Scout Motto, “Be Prepared” also applies to vehicles as well — you’ll want your BOV to be swift, strong, and provide adequate fence-crashing, puddle stomping, and zombie splattering abilities. The usual 4-wheeled vehicle can accomplish most of these things, but consider specifics. A light truck is useful in supply gathering, while a swift car is more useful for speeding across infested areas.

Jalopnik has crafted a fine article of dreamy (if somewhat impractical) Zombiepocalypse vehicles.

Long Term

If the apocalypse is disastrous enough, there will be no more fossil fuels. Bikes, pack animals and sleds will be the only means of ferrying cargo. One often overlooked mode of transport is the humble sailboat.

A sailing vessel will get you places no car every could (assuming you can get to the ocean or a Great Lake).  With hydroponics, a wind generator, and water purifiers, you’re set for a life at sea or on the Great Lakes eating fresh caught, non-undead whitefish every day. Besides a proper skill to master, sailing could ensure your survival when roads are crowded, gasoline has disappeared, and the lands are poisoned.

Aircraft will be extremely hard to maintain, and without a qualified pilot, you’re risking death for yourself and your partners. On the rare occasion the opportunity arises, the advantage of  a long distance traveled is not worth the risk. Military pilots, passenger jet pilots and even civil air pilots depend on lots of fuel, good weather, ground and air crew for their operations. Stick to the surface.

Take the time, learn how to repair machines, sail a boat, and build a bicycle. These skills could save your life more than being a crack shot in your Killdozer ever could.

Resources

The Ten Best Post-Apocalyptic Survival Vehicles

Traveling in the Zombie Apocalypse

Class 3 Outbreak is a Flash and Google Maps based zombie apocalypse simulator produced by Binary Space.

It’s about damn time someone made something like this.

Scientists take note: such a tool will be useful in analyzing statistics such as population, area, civil defense and zombie offensive structure.  Variables such as police, citizens, zombies, speed and infection rate can be manipulated to great detail. The current map covers a small section of Washington D.C., featuring stores, streets, parks, police and homes. The default settings of 100 zombies vs. 6000 civilians are distressing, and seem to coincide with a report by science’s R.J. Smith?. See Zombie Mathematical Model: Slim Chances for Survival for more information.

The pathfinding in the simulation is accurate and gory. Gangs of zombies can be seen grouping together and chasing uninfected civilians. Unfortunately, the civilians simply run around in circles  awaiting their inevitable death.

The simulator appears to model buildings and obstacles. Humans gathered in buildings survive far longer, so long as the exits remain protected from gathering zombies. Once an infected makes it inside a building, it turns into a slaughter house.

You want to survive? No sentimental attachments. Stay indoors. Dump the bodies.

Try the simulator. Pick a random survivor as yourself, and see how you do. Class 3 Outbreak

No Halloween tricks here, only treats.

Keen readers will note that suspected zombie activity exists, and is often overlooked by the press.

Man punches suspected zombie, flees

IOWA CITY, Iowa

Iowa City police are investigating an early morning assault [on October 26th] in which a man accused another of being a zombie, then punched him twice. Police said the assault occurred at 1:17 a.m. Sunday at an Iowa City restaurant south of the University of Iowa campus.

A man was ordering food when he was approached by another man who called him a zombie, then hit him in the eye. When the victim tried to call police on his cell phone, the man punched him again, breaking his nose.

The man then ran out a back door.

The victim was taken by ambulance to a hospital.

It would appear the aggressor here has been on high alert. If you’re going to attack or defend yourself from suspected zombies, you had better make sure you have the full legal right to defend yourself from personal and property harm.

Dead baby wakes up for his funeral wake

A baby boy born 16 weeks prematurely was declared dead by doctors at a hospital in Paraguay only to wake up in time for his funeral wake hours later.

“Initially, the baby didn’t move, he practically didn’t have any respiratory reflexes, nor did we hear a heartbeat and, as a result, we declared a premature fetus of 24 weeks dead,” Weber told Reuters Television.

The family was given a death certificate and a cardboard box with the baby’s name scribbled on the outside which served as a makeshift coffin.

But when the family took him from the hospital to prepare him for his funeral, the unbelievable happened.

“I opened the box and took the baby out and he cried. I got scared and I said “the baby’s crying” … and then he started moving his arms, his legs and I got scared, we got very scared,” said one member of the family, Liliana Alvarenga.

Hours after the baby’s death had been declared he was found to be alive. The hospital has begun an investigation and the baby is now in a stable condition in an incubator.

Presumably, he was transferred to another hospital where his condition was upgraded to “alive”.

Pet Turtle Disease Could Spread to Humans

Oct. 5, 2009 — A researcher has identified the first Australian case of a captive turtle being infected with a highly contagious disease, which has the potential to spread to humans.

Debbie Bannan, a second year veterinary science student from James Cook University in Townsville, said she discovered the disease on an Emydura macquarii, a common species of pet turtle, which was brought to a vet clinic where she was volunteering.

She said the turtle presented with a lesion on its front forelimb, which they thought was an isolated inflammation of the bone and could be treated by amputating its limb and flipper.

“It started to rehabilitate really well,” said Bannan. “But three months after that it rapidly went downhill and reluctantly we had to euthanize it.”

Bannan said when they conducted a post-mortem, they found the turtle had a bacterial disease, called mycobacterium, that had spread throughout its entire body.

“Mycobacterium is much like staph on human skin, and it can be carried by lots of animals.”

The bacterium isn’t pathogenic until it enters the body, through air passages, cuts or the intestines, she said.

Lastly, a terribly misinformed scientific perspective of zombies.

Shoemaker: Zombie doomsday scenario is just illogical

The causes for reanimated flesh are varied and sometimes completely undefined. No matter, the end result is the same — an ever-quickening spread of walking dead consuming and converting the living to their cannibalistic ways.

We all know that zombies eat brains. It’s what they crave. It’s what motivates them to ceaselessly stalk the living and rip them to shreds in an attempt to open their skulls to get to the savory gray matter inside. Further, we know that any injury caused by one of these creatures — be it a bite or a mere scratch — is enough to turn a human into a zombie.

Yet, we also know that the only way to permanently disable a zombie (to kill one, as it were) is to shoot it in the head, or decapitate it, or cause enough trauma to the cranium so as to destroy the brain. Burning works well, too.

Do you now see the lack of logic behind the zombies-overrunning-humanity scenario? If zombies eat brains, and the destruction of the brain is the only thing to kill a zombie, then how could zombie-itis ever sweep over humanity and wipe them out? Motivated only for the neuro-smorgasboard that the living are to them, zombies would be negating their own spread by destroying potential zombies in their feeding frenzy.

Well put professor, but we’re on the lookout for aggressive, crazed, highly infectuous and potentially lethal, very alive humans. They have no taste for brains, only a taste of madness. However, I bet your brains are delicious.

I’ve taken to wearing my kukri around town more often, strapped to my thigh. It’s easier to claim “religious use” than a firearm.

I was asked on the Red Bar Radio show “how much have I spent so far on something that doesn’t exist”.

Not enough.

SCIENCE: When the zombies attack, it will lead to the collapse of civilization unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.

How long will civilization have in a zombie attack? A city with a population around 500,000 will have between three and eight days before irreversible catastrophe. This report is based on a well researched, though fictionalized outbreak of the reanimation of the dead. While an uprising of the dead is highly improbable, it remains that a highly contagious and infectious zombie cause could have similar results.

The report was written by several Mathematicians in Canada, notably Robert J. Smith?, an Austrailian who probably sang backup for ? and The Mysterians.  P. Munz, I. Hudea, J. Imad and R.J. Smith? When zombies attack!: Mathematical modelling of an outbreak of zombie infection (PDF)

The researchers chose “classic” slow-moving zombies as our opponents rather than the nimble, fast, and somewhat intelligent creatures portrayed in recent films. “While we are trying to be as broad as possible in modelling zombies – especially as there are many variables – we have decided not to consider these individuals,” the researchers said. This is a fatal flaw in the report, as contagious, “fast” zombies have a 100% chance of happening, over the highly improbably undead.

One should take note on the rising global consciousness of zombies tthrough fear, research, art (through film and literature) and popular culture.  Several keen readers and friends have forwarded me the document, and it has been written about on several blogs and has made the news, including the BBC.

Zombie Epidemiology

Science ponders ‘zombie attack’ (BBC)

Science Proves Zombies Will Kill Us All (Asylum.com)

Scientists claim ‘zombie attack’ would collapse civilization (Current.com)

Mathematical Model for Surviving a Zombie Attack (Wired)

These pieces of information, however, require further research and your immediate concern:

Patient accused of biting off doctor’s fingertip, which is similar to this zombie sighting in May 2009:  Zombie Bite in New Orleans.

Woman Sets Self On Fire In Mall