More shock, more horror, more psychotic zombie paranoia!

The Undead Report will be on Red Bar Radio’s Hallowe’en show again. Last year was a great time, much zombie survival advice was dispensed, and killing tactics were planned.

Tune in Friday, October 30th at 3PM CST!

Red Bar Radio is an Internet radio comedy talk show in Chicago. They are running a Hallowe’en show on October 30th, and The Undead Report’s Zombie Hunter Sam is one of the guests.

That’s a photo of zombies waiting outside the studio! Man I hate zombies.

The show has a live webcam and chat, so you can interact while the show is airing, with a podcast to follow. If you have anything you’d like to hear discussed, ranted or destroyed, please post a comment. You can listen to Red Bar Radio LIVE on Friday, October 30th at 3PM CST by going to http://redbarradio.com/tv.
Replays are available any time by going to http://redbarradio.com

Well, they try to dance anyway. Saturday  July 25th, approximately 450 to 500 (some liberal estimates put the horde at 1,000) zombies were found congregating in Chicago’s Wicker Park. Many of them were later found to be hipsters, and promptly exterminated. The remainder were allowed, under close supervision, to shamble in an orderly fashion around the neighborhood.

Surprisingly, there was no Chicago police interaction.  Passersby on buses, taxis and cars were understandably frightened, but no casualties were reported. Patrons at local restaurants, bars and shops were visibly agitated and confused, although the majority found the situation to be humorous.

The unruly mob made several unsuccessful attempts to pester and/or eat and/or thrill three zombie hunters on the scene, but again, no injuries have been reported.  The mob stopped in front of an abandoned street festival music stage where after mindlessly wandering about, were suddenly drawn to the soothing, hypnotic and very not-undead sounds of the late and very dead Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”.

The zombie hunters came equipped with “demo” Nerf weapons. It’s not advisable to bring Airsoft, live blades or real firearms to non-real undead gatherings, for obvious police and safety concerns. Nerf weapons are absolutely no substitute for actual, hands-on weapons training. I have had several readers ask me this question. Nerf weapons are great for the Humans vs Zombies game, but are strictly for fun and show. If you’re not old enough to legally own, purchase, or train with firearms, I suggest knowing someone who does, befriending and learning from them, and taking martial arts courses specializing in pole arm or blade combat.

This sort of celebration or zombie flash-mob has been occurring in many cities with surprising frequency. It is yet another indication that an underlying fear of zombies pervades our culture.

More photos and updates coming next week, I’m in Michigan for training.

This Saturday, June 20th, The Undead Report will be representing zombie hunters everywhere at the Horror Society’s Zombie Disco in Chicago at the Viaduct Theater. I’ll have a table setup with random violence, improvised weapon demos, zombie targets and artwork for sale, and whatever else I can think of. Have a suggestion? Leave a comment. This is an 18+ event.

What is a zombie disco? Well, its where zombies go to dance. The FORBIDDEN DANCE. Why has this website been reporting more about more zombie walks and themed parties than actual zombie news? Because the zombie apocalypse has entered the weltgeist. Everyone’s thinking about it.  Scared. Running. Probably going to die. Have some fun in the meantime.

Details:

DJ Joe Wallace will spin your favorite retro disco beats mixed with horror classic tunes like Italian horror movie soundtrack sounds mega-mixed with disco and other craziness. Expect to hear Goblin mashed up with Daft Punk, Lipps Inc, the Cramps, Morricone mashed up with Aphex Twin, James Brown and Paisley Babylon. All night long in tandem with screenings of classic zombie movies.

Come dressed as a zombie or get zombified on the premises and win the Best Zombie Contest!

Other games and events include Zombie Twister, Shoot’em In The Head, booze, trivia, games, vendors, raffle & more!

ViaDuct Theater
3111 N Western Ave
(Belmont and Western, under the bridge on Western)

Tickets only $10 at the door or online
More info:
http://www.horrorsociety.com/disco
http://www.viaducttheatre.com

They came last year. I tried to stop them. I, well, I failed.

Now they’re back.

Zombies are once again marching in Millenium Park. This time, it coincides with the Blues Festival, so it should certainly be interesting. Hopefully the only things being beaten by the cops will be boxes of donuts. I will be out of state on a recon mission. Think about it: if you knew zombies were coming, would you want to head right into the center of the mob? Sure, if you think you’re super awesome Mr. Headshot, but the best way to avoid becoming one is to avoid them altogether.

Last year, I found three or four fellow zombie killers. I hope more of you show up this year! Rememebr, if you’re coming with Nerf guns, keep them yellow or orange tape the tips. CPD is quite trigger happy. Represent zombie hunters world wide and send in your photos to sam at undead report dot com!

Zombie walks are a good theatrical produciton that serve well for training. It may even be advisable to act like a cowboy and steer the masses clear of the public.

More information can be found on the events Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=23561223992

The event is produced in part by Chicago Zombie. More information is available at their website, Chicago Zombie.

Details

As it would happen, the Zombie March coincides with one of the days of the Chicago Blues Fest, so play nice. Other rules include:

• Follow all the laws. Just because you’re in make up doesn’t mean the cops will hesitate to tackle you down and arrest you. And yes, we will stand back and laugh at your ignorance. Also, it only takes one person to mess this event up forever. And we’ll know who you are and hunt you down. K?
• Don’t harass people who are not part of the march on the streets.That’s just not cool and will get you arrested. Even harassing someone who is part of the march without them wanting you to is grounds for arrest. Just basically keep your hands to yourself.
• Don’t litter. This includes dropping gratuitous amounts of blood or limbs on the floor. You will be punished. Everybody knows zombies do not tolerate littering.
  Follow all the traffic signs. If it says walk, then you can walk. If it says it’s the cars turn to go, then let them go. Although you may seem undead, a car running you over will finish the job. Not sure how you feel about that.

After we reach our destination, that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the line. If anyone wants to plan any other trips to other locations afterwards, tell me now and I’ll see how many zombies I can send your way. Just send me your intended destination and I’ll send another message later telling people your name and the locations you’d like to visit.

PS – Yes, I realize this is people dressing up.

Last year, they came for beer. This year is no different.

Watch out Andersonville, next weekend is going to be full of beer/brain hungry undead ghouls on the prowl.  The Chicago Zombie Pub Crawl is produced by by improv group pH Productions. Almost 400 zombies attended the first crawl, wandering the streets of Andersonville into Simon’s, Charlie’s Ale House and Hamburger Mary’s. The 2009 edition promises to be even bigger and better and hopes for even more undead fun. For the unfamiliar, a zombie walk is a group of people usually organized by email or a website who dress like zombies and lumber through town, usually just for fun. Some zombie walks start or finish at cemeteries, and others at pubs.

Organizers will be rotating zombies in and out of the pubs so 400 of them won’t be lining up trying to grab a beer from one bartender. Sounds like a good idea. As this is a pub crawl, its limited to 21 and up, only. Hey, we adults have to have our zombie preparedness fun, right?

Check out pictures from 2008′s zombie pub crawl.

Click here to read more about the zombie pub crawl, and register for this year!

March 14, 2009, Chicago.

A small horde of approximately 50 to 60 zombies was seen, of all places, at a bowling alley on a Saturday night. No reported outbreaks have happened since, and infection was kept to a minimum. Luckily I came prepared to kick some ass with a trusty rifle, sidearm, ninja sword and an endless supply of head smashing bowling balls. Sadly, I was the only zombie hunter in the place, but I rather prefer it that way as I don’t want anyone taking my headshots.

Wildclaw Theatre‘s zombie bowling night was a huge success full of beer, balls and brains. It was a fantastic alternative for many to be zombified and drunk, instead of the normal St Pat’s stupid and drunk. As mentioned before I was a little disappointed to see I was the only survivor amongst the crowd, but I have a mission of survival to represent, bowling balls, Nerf guns and all. I brought a stack of zombie targets to generate some hype, and they were very well received.

There was a table full of prizes and shwag, awarded throughout the night during movie trivia contests, scream compeitions, beauty pageants and more.  A young girl owned first place in the screaming contest with an almost inhuman high pitched ear splitting shrill. Nice. Wildclaw had a table setup where they were making up zombies and covering them in my favorite ice cream topping: blood and gore. There was the ironic zombie with a “Get More Out Of Life” t-shirt. Another zombie bowler mistakenly thought it could bowl with a severed human head in its bowling bag, St Patrick’s day parade beads still hanging from its’ lifeless form. Several other zombies died particualrly gruesome deaths with miscellanous devices sticking from their corpses such as screws and butcher knives. Kitty Zombie from Chicago’s Zombie Army Productions made a groan filled appearance.

The event was a fundraiser for Wildclaw’s upcoming April production of a zombie play, The Revenants, by by Scott T. Barsotti. The Revenants will be about a small group of people who must survive the holocaust and come to grips with their own lives and salvation. “As wounded spouses take a turn for the worse, husbands and wives must ask of each other: When does love die?”

Stay tuned in April for some classy zombie madness.

Now, on to the photos of zombie bowling!

Chicago is always full of people walking around half dead, shouting, and attacking each other. And I’m not just talking about the zombies, this time I’m referring to the Irish.

St Patrick’s day weekend is always a good time in the windy city, and expect it to be particularly interesting March 14th, when hordes of the undead converge on the lanes instead of brains. I’ll be there with some of my crew, but don’t expect me to be one of the zombified — someone has to protect you from the gutterball slinging madness.

WildClaw Theatre Proudly Presents: Zombie Bowling
A Benefit for the Midwest premiere of The Revenants.

A little bit about the The Revenants:

‘Til death do us part? When a global outbreak of horrific violence forces two couples to hide in an abandoned basement, they come face to face with the true meaning of commitment. As wounded spouses take a turn for the worse, husbands and wives must ask of each other: When does love die?

April 20, 2009
Angel Island Theater, Chicago

WildClaw Theatre Company proudly announces Zombie Bowling, Saturday March 14th, at 9:00pm, at the Timber Lanes, 1851 W. Irving Park, Chicago. Admission to this evening of bowling and brains is $20 in advance/$25 at the door. You provide the zombie or the victim, we provide the shoes and the bowling. Tickets are limited so buy your tickets today at www.wildclawtheatre.com.

For $5 extra you can get zombiefied by WildClaw! Undead America Founder and Zombie Engineer, Aly Renee Greaves will be heading up a team of gruesome makeup specialists on site to transmogrify you.

The folks who brought you DEATHSCRIBE, The Great God Pan, and H.P. Lovecraft’s The Dreams In The Witch House, present an evening of bowling and fun like nothing you have witnessed before.

Featuring:

• The Horror Queen Scream-off!
• Zombie-oke!
• The Ultimate Horror Movie Trivia Contest!
• Zombie Beauty Pageant!
• Raffles with prizes!
• Cash Bar!

This promises to be an evening of shambling, bowling, drinking, macabre mastication, reanimation, yet more shambling, brain-eating fun that you won’t want to miss.

Proceeds from this benefit will go directly towards WildClaw Theatre’s production of Scott T. Barsotti’s The Revenants, directed by Anne Adams, opening April 20th at the Angel Island Theatre in Chicago.

Timber Lanes is near all forms of public transportation and is wheelchair accessible. Neighborhood parking near the Timber Lanes is limited. Please allow extra time when arriving by car.

Date: Sunday, December 14, 2008
Time: 2:30pm – 5:30pm
Location: McCormick Tribune Plaza & Ice Rink Millennium Park
Street: 55 N Michigan Ave, Chicago, IL

I can think of nothing that zombies love to do more than… ice skate… yeah…

Chicago’s Kitty Zombie will be hosting a zombie ice skating party this coming Sunday at Millenium Park.  I suggest you go before the Feds start arresting nto only zombie governors but regular zombies as well.

There will be swag, pictures, video, and of course, lots and LOTS of zombies!

Keep in mind this is a PUBLIC rink. Therefore, no dripping/oozing blood, etc. that will dirty up the ice. If we make a mess, we will be asked to leave, and the cops will become involved. Chicago cops HATE YOU and they HATE ZOMBIES.

Zombies on Ice 

ZOMBIE ARMY – SUNDAY NOV 23RD @ 10AM – 5PM

1401 W Wabansia Ave , Chicago, IL 60622

Make-Up will be provided to those that want it.
Food will be on set for those that love it.
Vegetarian Friendly! Cannibal Friendly!
A Sign-Up for a copy of the DVD once it finished.

If its a cold day, dress warm. There will be an inside to keep warm but the scene is being shot outside so there will be standing around and drinking of hot beverages (also provided!!!!)

I’m counting on a good turn out for this movie to look good. More now than ever do the zombies of Chicago need to assemble for the cause.

THE END IS NIGH

More information: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=23561223992 

If you’ve survived last night, that must mean either A) you don’t live in Flint or Detroit or B) they’re just not burning buildings like they used to anymore.

Zombie Walk

Devil’s Night in Grand Rapids Michigan was a bit more placid than usual. Instead of burning churches like they ususally do, the teeming masses of socially repressed youth and ne’er do-wells rose up against the system by becoming… ZOMBIES.

A world record zombie walk was held last night, with near FOUR THOUSAND zombies shambling about the city. For more information, check out the following articles, and this film clip.

Zombie Walk brings out the dead in downtown Grand Rapids

World Record Zombie Walk, Grand Rapids, MI 

Toxic Blood

Riverside California, 1994: A sick woman is admitted to the ER, with a highly elevated heart rate, rapidly decreasing blood pressure and incoherent speech. Nurses drawing blood notice manila colored particles in her blood. Then they notice the deathly, checmical and ammonia smell coming from it. Then their faces feel burning, they pass out and wake up in uncontrollable convulsions. The hospital is evacuated, and a fully-suited  hazmat team is brought in to manage the strange occurances.

Her blood ends up putting five people in the hospital, some in intensive care, and others suffering from avascular necrosis, a condition in which bone tissue is starved of blood and begins to die. Read that again: the chemicals swirling around in this womans blood, when exposed to air, caused people to pass out, become overwhelmingly sick, and kill their bones. Forensic scientists and several goverment agencies never reached a conclusion (or suppressed their findings) as to what happened to her blood and body.

Analysis of a Toxic Death at Discover Magazine

Halloween Podcast

In case you missed it on the 29th, Red Bar Radio in Chicago interviewed me on their Halloween show. Think shock jocks and real raunchy radio, but they were certainly interested in what I had to say. Either that, or they were a bit disturbed about my waving a knife around and showing up in military gear.

Red Bar Radio podcast – Warning: raunchy, sick humor.