Yes, that’s right. The Undead Report’s Zombie Targets are back! Starting Dec 1, you will be able to purchase and download targets and then print as many as you desire to your zombie hating hearts content!

Fresh from range testing, the targets are here once again for ordering and shooting. The targets are now print-at-home, so you’ll be able to print as many as you want for all your bow-hunting, plinking, Nerf battles, paintballing, Airsoft zombie hunting and dart throwing needs!

The targets will be available individually, or you can save and download the three pack! All targets are 8.5″ x 11″ PDFs and specially designed to print in only black ink for ease of printing at home. Targets include areas to mark weapon information, highlighted killzones and more!

Special discount code will be mentioned on launch day on Facebook and in the chat box for my regular members!

It’s time to prepare. We’ve a little over one year left. Let’s get ready.

As 2010 draws to a close, one thought remains in the back of survivalists minds: “Two More Years”. Whether the solstice of 2010 passes without incident or not, it never hurts to be prepared. The fantastic solstice eclipse this year happened, for a few, two years too soon. Regardless, keep your eyes sharp, your ears pealed and your mind open.

Found in my Christmas stocking this year: one nasty crowbar (with a bright red bow!), and one fully stocked MOLLE compatible first aid kit. Nice. Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like the ability to kill some Zombie Reindeer.

Delivered to a relative of mine: one indestructible Cold Steel Kukri. Click any photo to order!

Here’s hoping your new year, and the one after that, are filled with zero zombies, but plenty of cool decerebrating instruments!

Stay low, keep moving, cheers and Happy New Year!

Santa image courtesy Danny Guy

There are no more bullets. All rounds have been fired into head upon head of relentless zombie, including those from your plentiful .22; not like it mattered — the darn reports drew every curious Deadite and the occasional rabbit from miles around. What else to do? Your trusty AR-15 is now your trusty bayonet holder and club. If only you could retrieve your ammo, and perhaps be a bit more silent next time.

It won’t be all bullets and blades in the zombie apocalypse. Especially if your country has banned sharp and/or explody things. Enter the humble crossbow, modified, re-engineered, and accurate enough for the zombie apocalypse.

You won’t want to be swinging that sword or knife the whole apocalypse right? Your arm’s going to get tired pretty quickly. By using arrows and darts, you can retrieve that ammo, wipe off zombie goo and reload. The PSE Tac 15 is that mighty weapon which will enable you to stalk your undead prey in the dark, without risking exposure from brilliant flashes or noisy reports (and yes, suppressed fire is still loud). The Tac 15 attaches to your standard AR-15 lower receiver, and accepts all standard rail mounting hardware. Scopes, stocks, lights, lasers, grips, bipods — you name it.

Yes,  I sell it here. Click below or visit the Undead Report’s  Zombie Hunting Gear Store for the Apocalypse.

The PSE Tac-15. Click to buy now!

The Tac 15 uses special bolts designed to fly true and accurately, as well as to withstand te immense power coming from this machine. The bolts fly at 412 fps with 160 ft-lbs of kinetic energy. Yeah, you’ll kill more than  few zeds with this. Be sure to rinse off those bolts before you use them for game hunting.

See also:

Tac15.com — the official site of this mean machine.

The PSE TAC-15 super weapon of the Zombiclypse

This week, reader Vince from Texas writes in with his plan and pack details. I encourage my readers to send me their tips, objectives, plans and local information from around the US and the world.

Not every zombie plan will work in every situation; one must factor land, environment, urban density, weather, supplies, infection rate and more. If you’re in the north, bring warm weather gear. If  you’re running across Texas, you’ll need a lot more water, varmint hunting gear and sunscreen.

Objective:

Escape Austin, TX during high infestation period

Solitary travel 380 miles on foot through countryside

Reach family at end of journey and fortify

If family gone or dead Go to plan B.

Inventory:

• Paul Tawrell’s – Camping & Wilderness Survival 2nd edition
• plastic bags X4, box of 20 zip lock bags
• hunting knife, diving knife, fillet knife, pocket knife
• machete
• Leatherman(multitool)
• sharpening stone
• 100 ft. polyethane rope
• magnesium flint striker
• 300 yd. 10lb. fishing line on spool
• hooks
• single lense binocular
• 2nd pair hiking boots and clothes in waterproof bag
• cotton gloves, leather gloves
• composition notepads X2, pens X3
• fishnet
• camouflage body paint
• canteen X2 with distilling tablets X10
• watch
• compass
• maps- Austin streets, Texas highways, Texas topographical/landmark, hiking trails of Texas
• windable LED flashlight
• MRE X12
• 20 Gauge shells X120
• 20 Gauge Remington
• And next year when I turn 21 a handgun.
• Gun cleaning kit
• First Aid Kit- needle and thread, gauze, ace bandages, Neosporin, alcohol pads, small bottle of peroxide, etc.
• Night vision goggles with extra batteries
• Soap
• Two way radio, with extra batteries
• Sharpie X3

Pack Explanation

I highly suggest reading Paul Tawrell’s survival book. It covers predicting weather patterns, how to interpret a river’s current, how to hunt, how to trap, what to pack, identifying plants and animals, maps and compasses, navigation, how to build a cooking fire, how to build a campfire, how to start a fire with no tools, first aid, cooking, kayaking, surviving the elements, how to build a shelter, how to build a boat, how and when to travel, improvised bug repellents, and everything in between.

Always carry multiple knives as well as a way to sharpen them. Always be able to tell the time, and KNOW WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN. Darkness is never your friend. Keep guns clean or they will eventually stop working, or jam at the most inappropriate time. Carry plastic bags to use for collecting wild edibles, or keeping bugs off of meat you may get from game. Keep zip lock bags for the same reason. Magnesium flint strikers have about 3,000 sparks in them, work when they are wet, and the sparks are hotter than a lighter flame. Invest in a windable flashlight. When the battery dies down, just wind it up. I would suggest a normal flashlight over an LED only because the brighter the light the easier you are to see, but its preference really. I don’t plan on using it much so I use an LED.

I only packed 12 MRE to save a little weight. The MREs are like emergency food for when I can’t find wild edible or game to eat. I am an experienced deer, duck, and squirrel hunter, and I am a good fisher so I should survive.

Night vision and flashlights are for emergency only. You never know what the future holds so save batteries. Say I use the night vision to travel at night instead of the day, then when I get to my family and they are all gone and took the supplies or are dead then an emergency happens at night and I need them? I’m fucked because I wasted the batteries.

Never assume you can figure out a map and compass. Know how or else you will be lost in the woods, or limited to road travel which can be risky. Knowing how to use a map and compass lets you know how far away you are from resources like natural shelter, food, water, or dangerous areas like cities.

I chose a 20-gauge shotgun because the combined weight of the guns and ammo is substantially less than a 12-gauge, but retains a good kill range. It is also somewhat quieter than a rifle or 12-guage, and easier to handle because it has very little kick to it. On the downside the ammo is harder to find, but in my case I never plan on returning to a city, where the gun would be really needed, once I escape it.

Occasionally flip on your two way and scan all the channels. During an apocalypse communication with military personnel or reclaimer groups could be useful. Always carry a sharpie especially when in the cities. Write on walls, doors, highways, sidewalks, or street signs. Write down useful tips for other wanders. If you want to join groups leave notes of where you are going, were supplies are, if the city up ahead is gridlocked, warn of over infestation, warn of bridges out, or point to good safe zones for others to take a break. I would appreciate finding helpful suggestions every now and then, and am more than happy to leave some for others.

When fleeing an infested area you will more than likely have to kill your fair share of zombies, which means you will probably get blood on you. So, wear gloves, long socks, glasses, hat, long sleeves, and handkerchief around your neck. Carry a second set of clothes so when you are done fleeing you can dump your blood drenched clothes and have something clean to wear. Also, carry soap. A clean body is a happy body.

Morale is a huge factor in survival. If you lose the will to live you will lose your life. One way to keep morale up is to keep a journal, draw pictures, maps, or anything with pen and paper. Keeping track of everything you do will keep you going, as well as help discover patterns. If you document every zombie encounter and read them all over once in a while you may discover things about them or yourself you didn’t know. Such things like you should watch your back more, zombies are sneaky, zombies have bad eyesight, zombies have bad hearing, or zombies only live for about 2 weeks. Since no one knows how zombies are actually going to act or function, having a detailed psych analyses, habit analyses, physical analyses will help you determine exactly the enemy you are facing. We cannot rely on stereotypes in modern entertainment to accurately display zombies. It will be up to us as individuals to determine these facts. Also, if you complete a composition, memorize it then leave it behind. Hopefully your 50 pages of observations will aid others who come across it. I would suggest buying brightly colored ones and leaving them enclosed in something until done with it. That way other survivors who happen through the area can easily identify it, and always label it. I chose ZOMBIE ANALYSIS: IF YOU FIND ME READ ME. So when the apocalypse happens and you find a bright yellow or green composition book with that title, you’re welcome.

Lastly I suggest going to a library and reading books on how to sew, tie knots, detailed instructions on first aid, and any other miscellaneous info that you may need during an apocalypse and practice it all. Knowledge is life, and repetition is the father of learning. Suggested reading: Boy Scout Handbook, Air force pilot handbook(kind of hard to find), Sewing books, Nursing books, Plant Identification books, Animal Identification books, Tracking animals books, Nutrition & Diet books, Psychological Analysis books(how to observe mental stability in others, yourself, and zombies), Physical therapy books, and lock picking books. If you come across a locked door there is probably something useful inside. Remember PRACTICE!

The Plan

First Outbreak (nation) – pack goes from closet to truck, within 100ft of me at all times.

First Outbreak (Local) – This is a single account in the city. Something small that could be controlled. If it is not controlled then it moves on to the next step in the plan. I call in to work, fortify 2nd floor apartment, and warn everyone of the disaster to come!

City Overrun Begins – Set out on foot during next available sunrise. Leaving midday could leave you in the suburbs in the dark, and that is obviously a bad idea. I will have gun in hand, but any local law enforcement or survivors will understand why I have a gun by this point, if there are any left. Stay on small neighborhood roads, and make no attempt to contact or recruit. Going through backyard would be safer until a scared survivor misjudges you and boom your dead. Once out of the city head away from civilization toward family.

380 mile travel – I will travel on small highways, no interstates, stopping only for water or the occasional game I may use for food. Travel stops 3 hours before sundown. First hour is used to head away from the highway. Second hour is used to cook and move further away from the highway, and where you cooked (smoke as well as food smell could give you away). Third hour is used to camouflage a sleeping spot. This continues day in and day out until I arrive at destination.

My Apocalypse Theories

Zombies

I highly doubt that the actual “undead” zombie could function. My research leads me to believe that a “rabid” zombie is more likely. They will have lower intelligence levels than normal, but can still understand basic concepts like doors, noise, urban vs. rural areas, and other easy concepts. My theory on surviving them is hiding. If they can’t see me or signs that I am around such as fire, backpack, etc. they will not find me. That is why I suggest the Air force pilot’s handbook. It is for when a pilot ejects over hostile territory and goes into great detail on natural camouflage and improvised equipment. If they do find me I will treat them as any other person attacking me. One to the chest, and if that doesn’t work then one to the head.

Other survivors

Check on no one. Help no one. Any help I have to offer is done during the first local outbreak, if they didn’t listen the first time their screwed not me. Avoid everyone no matter what. People are too dangerous in a time like this. They will either steal from me or want to tag along. I have packed enough for myself to survive, not enough for me and the occasional straggler or looter. Tag alongs will ALWAYS get you killed. They are untrained, unprepared, and scared. Fear causes mistakes under pressure. Now having a plan with a group who are prepared, aware, somewhat trained is a different story, but I will be traveling alone so…

My Plan B: When things go bad

My plan B goes into action when either I arrive home and my family is dead or gone, or total overrun occurs. By total overrun I mean no military, no civilization, nothing.

At this point I will have come across a world map during my travel which I will then use to navigate to South America. Somewhere in Brazil probably where there are no people. I feel I could survive in a jungle better than any other type of terrain and maybe 4 or 5 years later head back to check on how the area previously called the US is doing. If my theory of the “living” zombie turns out to be true then each zombie could survive between 1 week and 2 months depending on how fast the virus degrades brain function or the level of brain loss, initial infecting wound size, and how much nutrition they take in via human flesh. These estimates are obviously a long shot, and no were near accurate. This is why I chose to remain in Brazil for about 4 or 5 years, but who knows how long it would take them all to die out before you can return to what use to be home.

Other Thoughts

Personally I would avoid any military personnel in the case of an outbreak. The military, in the case of a nationwide outbreak, would more than likely abandon survivors or exterminate everyone. Gather supplies in small towns only if you are 100% sure you will survive. Entering a large city alone or in small groups could be a devastating mistake. I believe zombies will roam, but only from urban area to urban area. With an instinct to hunt for humans they would probably stay in or near civilization simply because that is where most survivors would stay, and this is the reason I choose to flee the city. But, like I stated earlier this is all just guess work.

The good, gun totin’ folks  at DPMS Firearms in St. Cloud have produced a fantastic zombie hunting event with various stages, scenarios, tactical situations, reactive targets and more. A prize table includes excellent zombie rifles, lasers, optics, mounts, kits and more!

Edit: www.OutbreakOmega3.com/

DPMS Firearms, LLC and Del-Tone/Luth Gun Club are hosting another “fun shoot” at the Del-Tone/Luth Gun Range in St. Cloud, MN on April 24-25, 2010.

This is one of the largest zombie shoots in the US. This is a “fun” shoot, any and all are invited.  Saturday night includes, a Zombie Hunters Ball, featuring a live band and a pig roast. Staff at the event will be zombified! come as you are, whether it’s a pizza delivery man, ninja, tacticool operator, or office worker. These are real live firearms here, aimed at zombie targets, dummies and the like. This isn’t an HvZ Nerf shoot or a Paintball shoot.

There will be several scenarios to join and shoot at to test your mettle, shotgun skills, rifle skills and reloading abilities.

Up Close and Personal – A nearby farmhouse has been overrun with the undead, but it is full of ammo and supplies, so get a clearin’.

Twinkie Factory – Clear out and hold the Twinkie Factory (Zombieland fans?) and a night’s sleep and Twinkies are your reward.

Live Zombie Open Range – You know what to do. Shoot anything that’s already dead. Rifle/Shotgun/Pistol

Air Drop From Heaven – An air-dropped crate of ACR’s? Retrieve it and then get a shootin’!

Sound The Alarm! – Eliminate all resistance swiftly and sound the alarm. You have 60 seconds to ensure the safety of your fellow survivors!

Anybody Home? – After walking the wilds of Central Minnesota for what seems to be an eternity, your small band of survivors has come across an abandoned house. Guess what? You drew the short straw and you get to make sure it’s clear before you stop for the night. Shotguns.

From the Waters of Lake Luth - These zombies are very active both day and night, straining the senses of the watch crews, and can only be killed with a perfect head shot.   Rifle/Squad shot.

Rule # 32: Enjoy the Little Things – Trap shoot.

Un-Load and Un-Lock - Navigate your way through a series of locks and doors in 60 seconds or the cure is lost!

Zombie Assault Training Site -  These 2 stages have multiple head target and you must wager your skills and life on your training and your shotgun.

The Wooded Valley of Undeath – Guard duty in the forest with your shotgun.

This weekend, St Paul is the place to put your mouth where your money is.

S#it just hit the fan. The zombies have come. The infection has spread. They’re neither fast, nor slow, but they do attack and they do kill, and the infection is spreading, and you probably can’t tell the infected from survivors until it’s too close or too late. This is the moment you haven’t been adequately planning for.

Let’s go raid the gun store! No, let’s go hit the military base that just happens to be in my city! Screw it, let’s get out of town. FAIL. There will be no gun store, the military base will shoot anyone within 100 yards, and every road will be blocked.  Luckily, the fellows over at Cracked have already thought of why your plan will fail. Here’s a counterpoint.

#5 — The gun store / military base run.

Cracked has it spot on here — you’re not going to be able to run to the gun store when things get bad, and if you can, expect to be met by many other people and the store owners. With that many guns, it won’t just be the infected getting hit. Stock up before hand, and if there are no firearms in your region (or they’re even  banning knives), you had better be damned creative, or else be really accurate with your stone throwing. Your best advice is to run and bash in some brains while wearing some biological protective gear.

#4 — Leave town.

Seeing as around 50% of the population now lives in urban areas, you can expect the roads out will be crowded and moving slower than an LA rush hour in a snow storm. Cities also breed filth, infection and disease. Expect zombie infection and attacks to be at an abnormally high level in a metropolitan area. You will have a very short time before you are attacked, infected, or caught by angry mobs or survivors. If you find yourself caught, stay put temporarily, then wade through the madness. Stick to back roads, but not so remote as to be slaughtered by gangs or bands of survivors.

#3 — Fortify your defenses.

If you’re making do in that urban stronghold, it won’t last forever. In the rare instance that you have a bomb shelter, congratulations as you are in the top percentile of likely survivors. Most of us are apartment or common home dwellers, and such luxuries are unavailable. If you can support yourself for about a month, you may have an edge to ride off the initial infection and retaliation stages, but after that you will need to resettle and re-secure the area. While Cracked is using undead as their zombies, in reality the zombies are alive, can and will move about, passing infection to other areas as they run out of food and aggressors.  You will need to cordon off and fortify the rest of your area, not just your dwelling.

#2 — Use melee weapons when possible.

Cracked has it spot on — you don’t want blood and infected flesh getting on or near your person, even if you have a biological contaminant resistant suit. Max Brooks is just foolish when he says to use blades or staffs when possible — you want the infected to be as distant from you as possible when they die. Carry a fireaxe, kukri, aluminum bat, staff or other strong blade on your person for emergencies and close quarters, but be proficient with that firearm first. You will most likely be able to fight through or evade most attacks before they happen. Remember to always put distance between you and any aggressor. Distance = safety.

#1 — Always aim for the head.

Headshots will permanently disable your aggressor, though you are targeting a much smaller and harder to hit area. Center of mass will still work against the infected. Severing limbs will slow them down and blood loss will eventually kill them.  An automatic weapon will serve as a morale booster and can plant several center of mass shots, but it will burn through ammo if you’re not careful. If you have a headshot, take it to kill and conserve ammo, but certainly you can puncture a heart and lungs and kill them that way. Distance first, then destruction.

Thanks again Cracked, for pointing things out to a wide audience, though remember, we will be fighting “new” zombies.

And now some teaser info:
There’s a new breed of zombie interaction coming to Chicago. Zombies Attack Chicago is a live interactive event incorporating mixed media, make-up, special effects, and stage violence. Think of it as an interactive  “Chose Your Own Adventure”.
Every October Friday, $15 @ The Spot 4437 N. Broadway Ave, South of the Wilson Redline. More information soon, and special deals for my lovely Undead Report readers.

ZOMBIE TARGETS! Buy now!

Whether you shoot paintball, Nerf or live armor piercing incendiary rounds, take these targets to the range for some lively fun and apocalypse prepartion.

The targets come in three flavors so far: Creepy Child Zombie, Fat Guy Zombie and the Hot Chick Zombie. Targets are printed on sturdy paper, feature highlighted target areas, concentric grouping circles and more.

ZOMBIE TARGETS!

This Saturday, June 20th, The Undead Report will be representing zombie hunters everywhere at the Horror Society’s Zombie Disco in Chicago at the Viaduct Theater. I’ll have a table setup with random violence, improvised weapon demos, zombie targets and artwork for sale, and whatever else I can think of. Have a suggestion? Leave a comment. This is an 18+ event.

What is a zombie disco? Well, its where zombies go to dance. The FORBIDDEN DANCE. Why has this website been reporting more about more zombie walks and themed parties than actual zombie news? Because the zombie apocalypse has entered the weltgeist. Everyone’s thinking about it.  Scared. Running. Probably going to die. Have some fun in the meantime.

Details:

DJ Joe Wallace will spin your favorite retro disco beats mixed with horror classic tunes like Italian horror movie soundtrack sounds mega-mixed with disco and other craziness. Expect to hear Goblin mashed up with Daft Punk, Lipps Inc, the Cramps, Morricone mashed up with Aphex Twin, James Brown and Paisley Babylon. All night long in tandem with screenings of classic zombie movies.

Come dressed as a zombie or get zombified on the premises and win the Best Zombie Contest!

Other games and events include Zombie Twister, Shoot’em In The Head, booze, trivia, games, vendors, raffle & more!

ViaDuct Theater
3111 N Western Ave
(Belmont and Western, under the bridge on Western)

Tickets only $10 at the door or online
More info:
http://www.horrorsociety.com/disco
http://www.viaducttheatre.com

This is why we can’t have nice things. Zombies.

The Undead Report has assembled a collection of gear including two-way radios, zombie survival guides, med kits, knives, spears, tools and more so you’ll be prepared for  any disaster, but especially those full of the undead.

The Undead Report is launching a beta version of an Amazon-based online store featuring various zombie apocalypse, survival, and  combat gear. Browse the zombie apocalypse store, purchase a few things, and get yourself outfitted properly.

If the apocalypse never comes, you’ll at least have some cool stuff.

Be ready, stay low, keep moving.

Targets are printed on sturdy 27# stock paper at 13″ by 19″. Targets will be sold in several to a pack, mailed in a sturdy shipping tube.

I’d like your ideas on the current design and what else you may like to see. The limitations of my printing setup are limited to 13″ wide paper, so I’m unable to print standard large targets. Rest assured, the head is life-sized and just asking to be filled with bullets, pellets, darts, paintballs, ninja swords axes, throwing knives, arrows, machetes, sharpened bricks, candy canes licked ’til they’re all pointy or flaming marshamallows.

This announcement is just a teaser, they’ll be ready soon. Post comments on how many you would like to get in a batch, what you’d be willing to pay, that sort of thing.

Update 02/27: Have a look at the new targets in development, coming soon!