Rule #1: Cardio. If you want to survive the zombie apocalypse, any apocalypse, or just make it to the top of your staircase without getting winded, you need to be in shape. And if the top of that staircase leads to an open rooftop with Zacks on your trail, you’ll need to jump and land with precision. That’s why training, parkour (urban free running) and good health are essential. Your best offense is escape and evasion, and with that, the good people of St Charles, IL are up to speed.

Rich Gatz, is a 28-year-old lawyer who founded Zombiefit in October of 09.  Zombiefit is a fitness program designed to create and enhance physical skills necessary for a world gone mad with slow or fast zombies, bent on destruction and eating the human race.

What if you woke up tomorrow to find your city overridden with zombies, would you survive? This may seem childish, but by preparing for the impossible, you’ll be ready for the improbable.

The keys to surviving Z-day are simple: Be able to lift and throw heavy things, run fast and for long distances, and be able to navigate obstacles and urban environments in an efficient manner.

Are you training? Do you have a plan besides stocking up on guns and barricading yourself in a Wal-Mart? You need to run there in the first place.

Chicago! Zombie fit will come to Grant Park this Saturday July 17th from 11:00 – 12:30! Meet near the Metra station at Van Buren and Michigan.

As rules go, zombie fit has some. Rule number one: Perform functional movements at high intensity. Zombiefit is designed to increase stamina through the training of not only aerobic exercise, but also anaerobic — exercise in short bursts of high intensity, utilizing the body’s stored energy.

Remember, you don’t have to outrun the zombies — just the slowest member of your party.

Zombiefit.org

Zombies as exercise motivation – Chicago Tribune

The good, gun totin’ folks  at DPMS Firearms in St. Cloud have produced a fantastic zombie hunting event with various stages, scenarios, tactical situations, reactive targets and more. A prize table includes excellent zombie rifles, lasers, optics, mounts, kits and more!

Edit: www.OutbreakOmega3.com/

DPMS Firearms, LLC and Del-Tone/Luth Gun Club are hosting another “fun shoot” at the Del-Tone/Luth Gun Range in St. Cloud, MN on April 24-25, 2010.

This is one of the largest zombie shoots in the US. This is a “fun” shoot, any and all are invited.  Saturday night includes, a Zombie Hunters Ball, featuring a live band and a pig roast. Staff at the event will be zombified! come as you are, whether it’s a pizza delivery man, ninja, tacticool operator, or office worker. These are real live firearms here, aimed at zombie targets, dummies and the like. This isn’t an HvZ Nerf shoot or a Paintball shoot.

There will be several scenarios to join and shoot at to test your mettle, shotgun skills, rifle skills and reloading abilities.

Up Close and Personal – A nearby farmhouse has been overrun with the undead, but it is full of ammo and supplies, so get a clearin’.

Twinkie Factory – Clear out and hold the Twinkie Factory (Zombieland fans?) and a night’s sleep and Twinkies are your reward.

Live Zombie Open Range – You know what to do. Shoot anything that’s already dead. Rifle/Shotgun/Pistol

Air Drop From Heaven – An air-dropped crate of ACR’s? Retrieve it and then get a shootin’!

Sound The Alarm! – Eliminate all resistance swiftly and sound the alarm. You have 60 seconds to ensure the safety of your fellow survivors!

Anybody Home? – After walking the wilds of Central Minnesota for what seems to be an eternity, your small band of survivors has come across an abandoned house. Guess what? You drew the short straw and you get to make sure it’s clear before you stop for the night. Shotguns.

From the Waters of Lake Luth - These zombies are very active both day and night, straining the senses of the watch crews, and can only be killed with a perfect head shot.   Rifle/Squad shot.

Rule # 32: Enjoy the Little Things – Trap shoot.

Un-Load and Un-Lock - Navigate your way through a series of locks and doors in 60 seconds or the cure is lost!

Zombie Assault Training Site -  These 2 stages have multiple head target and you must wager your skills and life on your training and your shotgun.

The Wooded Valley of Undeath – Guard duty in the forest with your shotgun.

This weekend, St Paul is the place to put your mouth where your money is.

Class 3 Outbreak is a Flash and Google Maps based zombie apocalypse simulator produced by Binary Space.

It’s about damn time someone made something like this.

Scientists take note: such a tool will be useful in analyzing statistics such as population, area, civil defense and zombie offensive structure.  Variables such as police, citizens, zombies, speed and infection rate can be manipulated to great detail. The current map covers a small section of Washington D.C., featuring stores, streets, parks, police and homes. The default settings of 100 zombies vs. 6000 civilians are distressing, and seem to coincide with a report by science’s R.J. Smith?. See Zombie Mathematical Model: Slim Chances for Survival for more information.

The pathfinding in the simulation is accurate and gory. Gangs of zombies can be seen grouping together and chasing uninfected civilians. Unfortunately, the civilians simply run around in circles  awaiting their inevitable death.

The simulator appears to model buildings and obstacles. Humans gathered in buildings survive far longer, so long as the exits remain protected from gathering zombies. Once an infected makes it inside a building, it turns into a slaughter house.

You want to survive? No sentimental attachments. Stay indoors. Dump the bodies.

Try the simulator. Pick a random survivor as yourself, and see how you do. Class 3 Outbreak

Zombie theatre has been done,  ”Zombieland” hosted zombie walks across the country, but now it’s time for some scary new interactivity. Zombies Attack Chicago is a live interactive event incorporating mixed media, make-up, special effects, and stage violence. Based on the film genre, this production of Chicago’s Nothing Without a Company propels the audience into a zombie movie. Through a series of “Choose Your Own Adventure” incidents, the audience must decide how to weather the onslaught of the undead. How will you survive a night of the living dead?

UPDATE:

It’s good. It’s fun. And it’s at a bar, so you’ll have plenty of opportunity to make booze-soaked poor decisions to determine the fate of you and those around you. You won’t know what’s going on, who’s who, or even if you yourself are a zombie. No two performances are alike! Good luck surviving it.

It should also be mentioned the building it takes place in is known for haunts and a trouble, slightly murdery / death filled past.

$15
The Spot 4437 N. Broadway Ave.
South of the Wilson Redline “L” stop.
Every Friday in October, 7:30 pm

Keep reading for a special deal for Undead Report readers!

You want horror, you got it. Zombies Attack Chicago is a live interactive event incorporating mixed media, make-up, special effects, and stage violence. Blood, gore, horror, scary Halloween shenanigans, what more could one ask for? How about bringing a friend to revel in the violence?

ZAC Facebook Event Listing | ZAC Facebook Fan Page

Tell them “Bud” sent you for 2-for-1 tickets!

S#it just hit the fan. The zombies have come. The infection has spread. They’re neither fast, nor slow, but they do attack and they do kill, and the infection is spreading, and you probably can’t tell the infected from survivors until it’s too close or too late. This is the moment you haven’t been adequately planning for.

Let’s go raid the gun store! No, let’s go hit the military base that just happens to be in my city! Screw it, let’s get out of town. FAIL. There will be no gun store, the military base will shoot anyone within 100 yards, and every road will be blocked.  Luckily, the fellows over at Cracked have already thought of why your plan will fail. Here’s a counterpoint.

#5 — The gun store / military base run.

Cracked has it spot on here — you’re not going to be able to run to the gun store when things get bad, and if you can, expect to be met by many other people and the store owners. With that many guns, it won’t just be the infected getting hit. Stock up before hand, and if there are no firearms in your region (or they’re even  banning knives), you had better be damned creative, or else be really accurate with your stone throwing. Your best advice is to run and bash in some brains while wearing some biological protective gear.

#4 — Leave town.

Seeing as around 50% of the population now lives in urban areas, you can expect the roads out will be crowded and moving slower than an LA rush hour in a snow storm. Cities also breed filth, infection and disease. Expect zombie infection and attacks to be at an abnormally high level in a metropolitan area. You will have a very short time before you are attacked, infected, or caught by angry mobs or survivors. If you find yourself caught, stay put temporarily, then wade through the madness. Stick to back roads, but not so remote as to be slaughtered by gangs or bands of survivors.

#3 — Fortify your defenses.

If you’re making do in that urban stronghold, it won’t last forever. In the rare instance that you have a bomb shelter, congratulations as you are in the top percentile of likely survivors. Most of us are apartment or common home dwellers, and such luxuries are unavailable. If you can support yourself for about a month, you may have an edge to ride off the initial infection and retaliation stages, but after that you will need to resettle and re-secure the area. While Cracked is using undead as their zombies, in reality the zombies are alive, can and will move about, passing infection to other areas as they run out of food and aggressors.  You will need to cordon off and fortify the rest of your area, not just your dwelling.

#2 — Use melee weapons when possible.

Cracked has it spot on — you don’t want blood and infected flesh getting on or near your person, even if you have a biological contaminant resistant suit. Max Brooks is just foolish when he says to use blades or staffs when possible — you want the infected to be as distant from you as possible when they die. Carry a fireaxe, kukri, aluminum bat, staff or other strong blade on your person for emergencies and close quarters, but be proficient with that firearm first. You will most likely be able to fight through or evade most attacks before they happen. Remember to always put distance between you and any aggressor. Distance = safety.

#1 — Always aim for the head.

Headshots will permanently disable your aggressor, though you are targeting a much smaller and harder to hit area. Center of mass will still work against the infected. Severing limbs will slow them down and blood loss will eventually kill them.  An automatic weapon will serve as a morale booster and can plant several center of mass shots, but it will burn through ammo if you’re not careful. If you have a headshot, take it to kill and conserve ammo, but certainly you can puncture a heart and lungs and kill them that way. Distance first, then destruction.

Thanks again Cracked, for pointing things out to a wide audience, though remember, we will be fighting “new” zombies.

And now some teaser info:
There’s a new breed of zombie interaction coming to Chicago. Zombies Attack Chicago is a live interactive event incorporating mixed media, make-up, special effects, and stage violence. Think of it as an interactive  “Chose Your Own Adventure”.
Every October Friday, $15 @ The Spot 4437 N. Broadway Ave, South of the Wilson Redline. More information soon, and special deals for my lovely Undead Report readers.

SCIENCE: When the zombies attack, it will lead to the collapse of civilization unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.

How long will civilization have in a zombie attack? A city with a population around 500,000 will have between three and eight days before irreversible catastrophe. This report is based on a well researched, though fictionalized outbreak of the reanimation of the dead. While an uprising of the dead is highly improbable, it remains that a highly contagious and infectious zombie cause could have similar results.

The report was written by several Mathematicians in Canada, notably Robert J. Smith?, an Austrailian who probably sang backup for ? and The Mysterians.  P. Munz, I. Hudea, J. Imad and R.J. Smith? When zombies attack!: Mathematical modelling of an outbreak of zombie infection (PDF)

The researchers chose “classic” slow-moving zombies as our opponents rather than the nimble, fast, and somewhat intelligent creatures portrayed in recent films. “While we are trying to be as broad as possible in modelling zombies – especially as there are many variables – we have decided not to consider these individuals,” the researchers said. This is a fatal flaw in the report, as contagious, “fast” zombies have a 100% chance of happening, over the highly improbably undead.

One should take note on the rising global consciousness of zombies tthrough fear, research, art (through film and literature) and popular culture.  Several keen readers and friends have forwarded me the document, and it has been written about on several blogs and has made the news, including the BBC.

Zombie Epidemiology

Science ponders ‘zombie attack’ (BBC)

Science Proves Zombies Will Kill Us All (Asylum.com)

Scientists claim ‘zombie attack’ would collapse civilization (Current.com)

Mathematical Model for Surviving a Zombie Attack (Wired)

These pieces of information, however, require further research and your immediate concern:

Patient accused of biting off doctor’s fingertip, which is similar to this zombie sighting in May 2009:  Zombie Bite in New Orleans.

Woman Sets Self On Fire In Mall

Well, they try to dance anyway. Saturday  July 25th, approximately 450 to 500 (some liberal estimates put the horde at 1,000) zombies were found congregating in Chicago’s Wicker Park. Many of them were later found to be hipsters, and promptly exterminated. The remainder were allowed, under close supervision, to shamble in an orderly fashion around the neighborhood.

Surprisingly, there was no Chicago police interaction.  Passersby on buses, taxis and cars were understandably frightened, but no casualties were reported. Patrons at local restaurants, bars and shops were visibly agitated and confused, although the majority found the situation to be humorous.

The unruly mob made several unsuccessful attempts to pester and/or eat and/or thrill three zombie hunters on the scene, but again, no injuries have been reported.  The mob stopped in front of an abandoned street festival music stage where after mindlessly wandering about, were suddenly drawn to the soothing, hypnotic and very not-undead sounds of the late and very dead Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”.

The zombie hunters came equipped with “demo” Nerf weapons. It’s not advisable to bring Airsoft, live blades or real firearms to non-real undead gatherings, for obvious police and safety concerns. Nerf weapons are absolutely no substitute for actual, hands-on weapons training. I have had several readers ask me this question. Nerf weapons are great for the Humans vs Zombies game, but are strictly for fun and show. If you’re not old enough to legally own, purchase, or train with firearms, I suggest knowing someone who does, befriending and learning from them, and taking martial arts courses specializing in pole arm or blade combat.

This sort of celebration or zombie flash-mob has been occurring in many cities with surprising frequency. It is yet another indication that an underlying fear of zombies pervades our culture.

More photos and updates coming next week, I’m in Michigan for training.

They came last year. I tried to stop them. I, well, I failed.

Now they’re back.

Zombies are once again marching in Millenium Park. This time, it coincides with the Blues Festival, so it should certainly be interesting. Hopefully the only things being beaten by the cops will be boxes of donuts. I will be out of state on a recon mission. Think about it: if you knew zombies were coming, would you want to head right into the center of the mob? Sure, if you think you’re super awesome Mr. Headshot, but the best way to avoid becoming one is to avoid them altogether.

Last year, I found three or four fellow zombie killers. I hope more of you show up this year! Rememebr, if you’re coming with Nerf guns, keep them yellow or orange tape the tips. CPD is quite trigger happy. Represent zombie hunters world wide and send in your photos to sam at undead report dot com!

Zombie walks are a good theatrical produciton that serve well for training. It may even be advisable to act like a cowboy and steer the masses clear of the public.

More information can be found on the events Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=23561223992

The event is produced in part by Chicago Zombie. More information is available at their website, Chicago Zombie.

Details

As it would happen, the Zombie March coincides with one of the days of the Chicago Blues Fest, so play nice. Other rules include:

• Follow all the laws. Just because you’re in make up doesn’t mean the cops will hesitate to tackle you down and arrest you. And yes, we will stand back and laugh at your ignorance. Also, it only takes one person to mess this event up forever. And we’ll know who you are and hunt you down. K?
• Don’t harass people who are not part of the march on the streets.That’s just not cool and will get you arrested. Even harassing someone who is part of the march without them wanting you to is grounds for arrest. Just basically keep your hands to yourself.
• Don’t litter. This includes dropping gratuitous amounts of blood or limbs on the floor. You will be punished. Everybody knows zombies do not tolerate littering.
  Follow all the traffic signs. If it says walk, then you can walk. If it says it’s the cars turn to go, then let them go. Although you may seem undead, a car running you over will finish the job. Not sure how you feel about that.

After we reach our destination, that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the line. If anyone wants to plan any other trips to other locations afterwards, tell me now and I’ll see how many zombies I can send your way. Just send me your intended destination and I’ll send another message later telling people your name and the locations you’d like to visit.

PS – Yes, I realize this is people dressing up.

ZOMBIE ARMY – SUNDAY NOV 23RD @ 10AM – 5PM

1401 W Wabansia Ave , Chicago, IL 60622

Make-Up will be provided to those that want it.
Food will be on set for those that love it.
Vegetarian Friendly! Cannibal Friendly!
A Sign-Up for a copy of the DVD once it finished.

If its a cold day, dress warm. There will be an inside to keep warm but the scene is being shot outside so there will be standing around and drinking of hot beverages (also provided!!!!)

I’m counting on a good turn out for this movie to look good. More now than ever do the zombies of Chicago need to assemble for the cause.

THE END IS NIGH

More information: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=23561223992 

I love kiling zombies. But until they actually take over, I’ll have to stick with video games and hippies.

The Undead Report now has an arcade. I got tired of looking for the really good games with depth, tactical considerations, replayability and addictiveness. Go to the arcade, have fun, stay a little longer, and practice getting some headshots in.

The games I’ve included are Flash based web games, although if I come across any good downloads, I will post these as well.

The Last Stand 2 – Features item and survivor searching, weapon upgrades,  and resource management. Never mind the shotgun, it’s pretty useless here. Equip it to another survivor. Great visuals, gameplay and replayability.

Boxhead: Zombie Wars – A fun, fast shooter with weapon upgrades and a never ending supply of enemies. Setup lots of barrels for major explosive fun. Highly addictive.

Endless Zombie Rampage – You don’t actually hang in the bunker you’re trying to defend, but you do get some nifty guns to defeat the (rather slow) zombies coming your way. Upgrades are hard to get, so you better be a crack shot. Lots of gore!

As I find more excellent zombie games, I’ll keep this post updated. Comment if you have any other good web-based zombie games I should know about.