Colony Collapse Disorder is destroying honey bee populations around America. Honey bees are an integral and essential but fragile part of the food chain. Unfortunately like we humans, they are not immune to virii and zombie parasites.

Discovery of the bee parasite and their subsequent strange death came as a surprise to researcher John Hafernik at San Francisco State University. He made the discovery by accident, after he foraged some bees to feed to a praying mantis. The bees were left unattended in a vial and soon began to die, but not in the usual way of sitting still and curling up.

“They kept stretching [their legs] out and then falling over,” said his graduate student Andrew Core. “It really painted a picture of something like a zombie.”

The parasite Apocephalus borealis lays its eggs in the bee’s abdomen. The larvae then push their way into the world, often exiting between the bee’s head and thorax.

The quote from the graduate student is surely sensational and perhaps taken slightly out of context, but mass honey bee death is still quite unsettling. This parasite could be working in combination with many other factors, leading to the mass die-offs. Regardless, there’s only one thing worse than bees.

Zombees.

‘Zombie’ fly hijacks bees’ bodies and may explain die-off (USA Today)

Fly parasite turns honey bees into ‘zombies’: study (AFP)

Parasites spark swarm of zombie bees (The Register)

As if spooky old soviet films and the Safar Center for Resuscitation weren’t enough, now dogs are coming back to life on their own!

“Each one was pronounced dead with a stethoscope and everything,” reports Prall to KWTV. The dogs were sent to a dumpster for disposal.

The following morning, Prall looked inside of the dumpster, and was shocked to find one puppy very much alive and healthy. The puppy has been named “Wall-E” to signify that he is the only one left alive.

What a great name. Please, don’t bite anyone with your euthanizey zombie rabies, Wall-E.

While it’s not mentioned in the article or video, this appears to be a case of the drugs not taking effect or there being an improper dose administered. However, perhaps the dog came back from the dead by some horrible, unworldly, undead (but cute) rabies like virus.

Puppy Comes Back To Life After Euthanization In Oklahoma

Is your gas mask ready? Are you susceptible to loud noises or outgorwing your food supply? You may end up like one of millions of animals falling from the sky, dropping dead or washing ashore.

It’s strange that it seems to affect just one species — blackbirds, drumfish — but it’s not extremely rare. About every three years, the western coast of Michigan becomes a graveyard for millions of starved alewives. Still, the hazmat team dispatch with which authorites responded to the New Years’ blackbird deaths is slightliy unsettling.

The official explanation is “blunt force trauma” due to being startled by fireworks and crashing into things.

Downriver from the blackbirds, 100,000 drum fish die en masse. Fingers are pointed at industrial wastes, pollution, and the conspiracy theorists blame HAARP or even the UFOs. Nothing is reanimated yet, however.

A Google Map has been constructed which pinpoints deaths, numbers and species, and is being updated as more reports come in. One must remember, that like “shark week”, the data presented does not necessarily point to anything strange.

View Mass Animal Deaths in a larger map

The strange mass deaths aren’t just affecting fish and fowl — mammals are susceptible too. In Wisconsin, 200 cows have dropped dead fromwhat has now been reported as some form of disease. Many semi trucks were needed to haul away the dead cattle.

Stranger still are 1,000 turtledoves falling dead in Italy with a strange blue stain on their beaks. It should be noted that experts claim they were dead due to overeating and lack of oxygen at altitude. Scientists have said the Magnetic North Pole is shifting at an average of around 25 miles a year, which could be causing the bird deaths, or perhaps even be a precursor to magnetic or geographic pole shift.

Stay tuned to the Undead Report’s Facebook Wall for reports from this website and other readers.

It always starts small, and unnoticed, ignored by many and only glanced over by a few. The result is usually the same: thousands dead, bitten, rotting in the sewers. The news is just chomping at the bit with potential zombie sightings if you know where to look!

Mendocina, CA

It’s not just civilians and medical workers that get bitten by strange, enraged persons. The Ukiah Daily Journal reports of police officers falling victim to hungry, strange teeth.

Brett Klein, 53, of Kentfield, allegedly bit a Mendocino County Sheriff’s deputy and a warden of the California Department of Fish and Game on Thursday at 7 p.m. on Lansing St. in Mendocino. Before Klein could be restrained, the Deputy sustained an approximate 1-inch laceration on his face and the Deputy and Warden both sustained bite wounds from Klein, according to the Mendocino County Sheriff’s Office. Both the deputy and Warden had to receive medical treatment for their injuries at the Mendocino Coast District Hospital.

No further word if any sort of infection or illnesses were transmitted to the officers.

Cold Lake, AB

Our Canadian neighbors to the north are also not without suspicious persons, this time an unknown male makes a gruesome attack on a woman, who was later released. The St Catharine Standard reports on this  joint RCMP and Military effort to track down a strange, biting enlisted man.

Mounties suspect a British military member may have bit off part of a woman’s tongue in a Cold Lake bar. RCMP are working with British military police to identify a suspect, said Cold Lake RCMP. Police responded to a Cold Lake bar Oct. 3 and found a woman with part of her tongue missing… an unknown male bit it off, said RCMP. The woman went to hospital with serious injuries. She was released later in the day, but will need further medical attention.

Kirksville, MO

Faces again seem to be a popular target to attack and bite for persons infected in body or mind. The Heartland Connection reports on the following disturbing domestic violence attack.

A northeast Missouri man is accused of holding a woman down and biting her nose hard enough to draw blood. Police officers were called to Mountain’s apartment around 3 a.m. Friday regarding screaming and yelling inside the residence.  The victim told police Mountain held her down on the bed, started yelling and cursing at her, and then bit her nose.

Allentown, PA

Attacks are not just limited to males going berserk and biting people in fits of rage. Women can get bitey and even start swinging hammers around, as Allentown’s The Morning Call reports.

An Allentown woman was charged with biting a man several times and attacking him with a claw hammer late last week, according to court records. Police spoke to Panell who had injuries to several parts of his body. He was struck twice with the hammer, once to each arm. Panell was also bitten on his shoulder and his ankle and punched in the back of the head.

Perhaps it’s best to keep those zombie smashing hammers under the same, easily accessible lock and key as your firearms.

Oneida Castle, NY

And let’s not forget that ever curious rabies infection: cross species transmission, nasty saliva, mandatory brain inspection/destruction  and a particularly nasty countenance. A Capuchin monkey has been euthanized after escaping its owner and attacking a woman. Outbreak had a similar plot, although there’s no town nuking this time.

The monkey named Jada escaped from its home by opening a screen door. The animal later wandered into the woman’s yard in Oneida Castle, 25 miles east of Syracuse, and bit her on the finger as she played with her son Wednesday. Under New York state law, the monkey had to be tested for rabies. To check the animal for rabies, its brain tissue had to be examined.

The zombie apocalypse may be televised, but the news stations may not even know the potential horrors they’re reporting. Keep your ears tuned to those offbeat stories about rabies, biting, unprovoked attacks, strange diseases and military officials acting strangely.

Stay low, keep moving, and remain calm, but alert.

It would appear the government has been less than secret when it comes to zombie removal. (Stimulus Money Funds U.S. Dept. of Zombie Removal (Pic))

Minneapolis Appeals Court Rules Zombies Have Right To Free Speech ‘They slowly lurched down the halls and said things like, “Get your brains here.” Everything was going great until the police showed up’ – I don’t know how I feel about this. On one hand, zombies shouldn’t even be allowed to have lower jaws. On the other hand, these were fake zombies. So, go us?

The Crazies (2010) ‘A reinvention loosely based upon the George Romero classic of the same name, The Crazies is about the inhabitants of a small Kansas town suddenly plagued by insanity and then death after a mysterious toxin contaminates their water supply.’ – George Romero knows zombies aren’t always the reanimated dead. It makes it that much messier to have to kill live humans. At least you can aim for center of mass. But double-tap for sure. And don’t drink the water.

Man bites thumb in pub brawl bite – ‘A man bit the thumb of another man so hard that he nearly severed it during a fight outside a Sydney pub.’  - You think that’s a bite? Now THIS is a bite! Only in Australia.

Conn. man bites Cambridge Hospital security officer ‘Police responded to Cambridge Hospital for reports of an assault at 4:45 p.m. and found a security staff allegedly bit by a Connecticut man. The victim’s middle finger had been bitten through a glove, had teeth marks on it and was bleeding’ – Okay, I guess it happens in New England too. Time for better, more zombie bite proof gloves.

Woman bites a chunk out of her mom’s cheek in fight A woman ‘jumped on her mother “and bit her left cheek, causing a large chunk to be rended…’ – Will you be prepared to kill your relatives in the event of infection?

It won’t be fun. It will be people you know. It may be soon. Cheers!

No Halloween tricks here, only treats.

Keen readers will note that suspected zombie activity exists, and is often overlooked by the press.

Man punches suspected zombie, flees

IOWA CITY, Iowa

Iowa City police are investigating an early morning assault [on October 26th] in which a man accused another of being a zombie, then punched him twice. Police said the assault occurred at 1:17 a.m. Sunday at an Iowa City restaurant south of the University of Iowa campus.

A man was ordering food when he was approached by another man who called him a zombie, then hit him in the eye. When the victim tried to call police on his cell phone, the man punched him again, breaking his nose.

The man then ran out a back door.

The victim was taken by ambulance to a hospital.

It would appear the aggressor here has been on high alert. If you’re going to attack or defend yourself from suspected zombies, you had better make sure you have the full legal right to defend yourself from personal and property harm.

Dead baby wakes up for his funeral wake

A baby boy born 16 weeks prematurely was declared dead by doctors at a hospital in Paraguay only to wake up in time for his funeral wake hours later.

“Initially, the baby didn’t move, he practically didn’t have any respiratory reflexes, nor did we hear a heartbeat and, as a result, we declared a premature fetus of 24 weeks dead,” Weber told Reuters Television.

The family was given a death certificate and a cardboard box with the baby’s name scribbled on the outside which served as a makeshift coffin.

But when the family took him from the hospital to prepare him for his funeral, the unbelievable happened.

“I opened the box and took the baby out and he cried. I got scared and I said “the baby’s crying” … and then he started moving his arms, his legs and I got scared, we got very scared,” said one member of the family, Liliana Alvarenga.

Hours after the baby’s death had been declared he was found to be alive. The hospital has begun an investigation and the baby is now in a stable condition in an incubator.

Presumably, he was transferred to another hospital where his condition was upgraded to “alive”.

Pet Turtle Disease Could Spread to Humans

Oct. 5, 2009 — A researcher has identified the first Australian case of a captive turtle being infected with a highly contagious disease, which has the potential to spread to humans.

Debbie Bannan, a second year veterinary science student from James Cook University in Townsville, said she discovered the disease on an Emydura macquarii, a common species of pet turtle, which was brought to a vet clinic where she was volunteering.

She said the turtle presented with a lesion on its front forelimb, which they thought was an isolated inflammation of the bone and could be treated by amputating its limb and flipper.

“It started to rehabilitate really well,” said Bannan. “But three months after that it rapidly went downhill and reluctantly we had to euthanize it.”

Bannan said when they conducted a post-mortem, they found the turtle had a bacterial disease, called mycobacterium, that had spread throughout its entire body.

“Mycobacterium is much like staph on human skin, and it can be carried by lots of animals.”

The bacterium isn’t pathogenic until it enters the body, through air passages, cuts or the intestines, she said.

Lastly, a terribly misinformed scientific perspective of zombies.

Shoemaker: Zombie doomsday scenario is just illogical

The causes for reanimated flesh are varied and sometimes completely undefined. No matter, the end result is the same — an ever-quickening spread of walking dead consuming and converting the living to their cannibalistic ways.

We all know that zombies eat brains. It’s what they crave. It’s what motivates them to ceaselessly stalk the living and rip them to shreds in an attempt to open their skulls to get to the savory gray matter inside. Further, we know that any injury caused by one of these creatures — be it a bite or a mere scratch — is enough to turn a human into a zombie.

Yet, we also know that the only way to permanently disable a zombie (to kill one, as it were) is to shoot it in the head, or decapitate it, or cause enough trauma to the cranium so as to destroy the brain. Burning works well, too.

Do you now see the lack of logic behind the zombies-overrunning-humanity scenario? If zombies eat brains, and the destruction of the brain is the only thing to kill a zombie, then how could zombie-itis ever sweep over humanity and wipe them out? Motivated only for the neuro-smorgasboard that the living are to them, zombies would be negating their own spread by destroying potential zombies in their feeding frenzy.

Well put professor, but we’re on the lookout for aggressive, crazed, highly infectuous and potentially lethal, very alive humans. They have no taste for brains, only a taste of madness. However, I bet your brains are delicious.

I’ve taken to wearing my kukri around town more often, strapped to my thigh. It’s easier to claim “religious use” than a firearm.

I was asked on the Red Bar Radio show “how much have I spent so far on something that doesn’t exist”.

Not enough.

SCIENCE: When the zombies attack, it will lead to the collapse of civilization unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.

How long will civilization have in a zombie attack? A city with a population around 500,000 will have between three and eight days before irreversible catastrophe. This report is based on a well researched, though fictionalized outbreak of the reanimation of the dead. While an uprising of the dead is highly improbable, it remains that a highly contagious and infectious zombie cause could have similar results.

The report was written by several Mathematicians in Canada, notably Robert J. Smith?, an Austrailian who probably sang backup for ? and The Mysterians.  P. Munz, I. Hudea, J. Imad and R.J. Smith? When zombies attack!: Mathematical modelling of an outbreak of zombie infection (PDF)

The researchers chose “classic” slow-moving zombies as our opponents rather than the nimble, fast, and somewhat intelligent creatures portrayed in recent films. “While we are trying to be as broad as possible in modelling zombies – especially as there are many variables – we have decided not to consider these individuals,” the researchers said. This is a fatal flaw in the report, as contagious, “fast” zombies have a 100% chance of happening, over the highly improbably undead.

One should take note on the rising global consciousness of zombies tthrough fear, research, art (through film and literature) and popular culture.  Several keen readers and friends have forwarded me the document, and it has been written about on several blogs and has made the news, including the BBC.

Zombie Epidemiology

Science ponders ‘zombie attack’ (BBC)

Science Proves Zombies Will Kill Us All (Asylum.com)

Scientists claim ‘zombie attack’ would collapse civilization (Current.com)

Mathematical Model for Surviving a Zombie Attack (Wired)

These pieces of information, however, require further research and your immediate concern:

Patient accused of biting off doctor’s fingertip, which is similar to this zombie sighting in May 2009:  Zombie Bite in New Orleans.

Woman Sets Self On Fire In Mall

Zombies aren’t necessarily undead, reanimated ghouls. Research at The Undead Report indicates zombies can be infected, crazed, uncontrollable rabid humans. You want to be sure one of them is dead? Aim for the head. Don’t stand there and let them bite you, infectious or not!

Joseph Lancellotti, a 67 year old greater New Orleans man was gardening at his home when a crazed man gibbering in Spanish ran up to him, hitting him in the head. During Lancellotti’s valiant struggle using a rake for defense, the strange man bit his arm and swallowed the flesh.

Bit his arm, and swallowed the flesh.

The crazed man, later identified as Mario Vargas, 48 hung around and made no attempt to flee when police officers arrived at the scene. Forty five minutes earlier, he had been released from a local hospital for a finger injury.  What was that injury? What happened after his release and before the attack? Did hospital staff not notice something strange?

His wife, Bonnie Lancellotti obviously notes “This person’s clearly lost his sense, I mean, what else can you say, eating people’s skin?”

Lost his sense, lost his mind, or lost his human functions?

If you haven’t seen “Quarantine”, I highly suggest you do. Besides being a solidly produced horror film, it’s realistic, shot first-person, and is quite an accurate description of what a zombie outbreak might look like: infected, crazed people feeling no pain, acting on instinct and being strange. And eating you.

Stranger takes bite of gardener’s arm

Chattanooga — The name may sound like something you’d hear a zombie moan as its mucus and pus filled maw begins to nom on your brains, but the clever denizens of this Tennessee town have their stuff together.

According to the Chattanooga Pulse, city hall won’t be having any organized zombie marches parading trough town.

City Hall has no official comment, but an unidentified source states that, “The city of Chattanooga will not tolerate zombies. What if one of those bloodthirsty monsters tries to eat a child? What if one of our venerable elderly citizens witnesses one of those horrible creatures walking across the Walnut Street Bridge and has a heart attack? We can’t let those freaks roam about in public freely; they need to continue to live in the shadows.”

City Hall Stops Zombie Invasion

And in Florida (God’s waiting room), the undead have been having a field day picking off old people. Ya gotta love that someone’s lessening the fear by passing it off as an April Fools article. If a real person from Florida didn’t see that headline, their pacemaker would probably up and fizzle right then.

“They came outta nowhere,” New Birmingham resident Ronald Frobnitz exclaimed, pointing to the woods that border Woodhaven Circle in Jacksonville. “Shufflin’ and moanin’ something that sounded a lot like ‘braaaiiinnns.’

“They caught wind of us and slouched our way. I hollered ‘don’t look Ethyl,’ but it was too late, she’d done been chomped.”

Frobnitz and his friend Ethyl N. Glykol were doing a quiet spot of feral hog trapping on Woodhaven Circle this morning, when he claims they were attacked by “the living dead.”

I appreciate the editor’s tagline at the end of the article:

Medical professionals continue to deny the threat of a zombie outbreak is real — but what do they know, really? The Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, Reece Daniel, the Zombie Squad and Woodhaven Circle’s feral hog problems are real.

Living dead attack couple on outskirts of Jacksonville

March 14, 2009, Chicago.

A small horde of approximately 50 to 60 zombies was seen, of all places, at a bowling alley on a Saturday night. No reported outbreaks have happened since, and infection was kept to a minimum. Luckily I came prepared to kick some ass with a trusty rifle, sidearm, ninja sword and an endless supply of head smashing bowling balls. Sadly, I was the only zombie hunter in the place, but I rather prefer it that way as I don’t want anyone taking my headshots.

Wildclaw Theatre‘s zombie bowling night was a huge success full of beer, balls and brains. It was a fantastic alternative for many to be zombified and drunk, instead of the normal St Pat’s stupid and drunk. As mentioned before I was a little disappointed to see I was the only survivor amongst the crowd, but I have a mission of survival to represent, bowling balls, Nerf guns and all. I brought a stack of zombie targets to generate some hype, and they were very well received.

There was a table full of prizes and shwag, awarded throughout the night during movie trivia contests, scream compeitions, beauty pageants and more.  A young girl owned first place in the screaming contest with an almost inhuman high pitched ear splitting shrill. Nice. Wildclaw had a table setup where they were making up zombies and covering them in my favorite ice cream topping: blood and gore. There was the ironic zombie with a “Get More Out Of Life” t-shirt. Another zombie bowler mistakenly thought it could bowl with a severed human head in its bowling bag, St Patrick’s day parade beads still hanging from its’ lifeless form. Several other zombies died particualrly gruesome deaths with miscellanous devices sticking from their corpses such as screws and butcher knives. Kitty Zombie from Chicago’s Zombie Army Productions made a groan filled appearance.

The event was a fundraiser for Wildclaw’s upcoming April production of a zombie play, The Revenants, by by Scott T. Barsotti. The Revenants will be about a small group of people who must survive the holocaust and come to grips with their own lives and salvation. “As wounded spouses take a turn for the worse, husbands and wives must ask of each other: When does love die?”

Stay tuned in April for some classy zombie madness.

Now, on to the photos of zombie bowling!