There are no more bullets. All rounds have been fired into head upon head of relentless zombie, including those from your plentiful .22; not like it mattered — the darn reports drew every curious Deadite and the occasional rabbit from miles around. What else to do? Your trusty AR-15 is now your trusty bayonet holder and club. If only you could retrieve your ammo, and perhaps be a bit more silent next time.

It won’t be all bullets and blades in the zombie apocalypse. Especially if your country has banned sharp and/or explody things. Enter the humble crossbow, modified, re-engineered, and accurate enough for the zombie apocalypse.

You won’t want to be swinging that sword or knife the whole apocalypse right? Your arm’s going to get tired pretty quickly. By using arrows and darts, you can retrieve that ammo, wipe off zombie goo and reload. The PSE Tac 15 is that mighty weapon which will enable you to stalk your undead prey in the dark, without risking exposure from brilliant flashes or noisy reports (and yes, suppressed fire is still loud). The Tac 15 attaches to your standard AR-15 lower receiver, and accepts all standard rail mounting hardware. Scopes, stocks, lights, lasers, grips, bipods — you name it.

Yes,  I sell it here. Click below or visit the Undead Report’s  Zombie Hunting Gear Store for the Apocalypse.

The PSE Tac-15. Click to buy now!

The Tac 15 uses special bolts designed to fly true and accurately, as well as to withstand te immense power coming from this machine. The bolts fly at 412 fps with 160 ft-lbs of kinetic energy. Yeah, you’ll kill more than  few zeds with this. Be sure to rinse off those bolts before you use them for game hunting.

See also:

Tac15.com — the official site of this mean machine.

The PSE TAC-15 super weapon of the Zombiclypse

Photo: Sir Mildred Pierce

Parasites, virii, bacteria, evil alien brain worms. These things can all potentially live inside you and destroy you from the inside out. I’ve written about Toxoplasma before. It’s a parasite that decreases fear in rats, causing them to be eaten by cats. Pregnant women must avoid cats and undercooked meat, as Toxoplasmosis can cause sexual promiscuity, more male births and excessive risk taking. It can make men less intelligent, more jealous and anti-social, cause schizophrenia, or slow reaction times. This little worm can even be the cause of car collisions. Death.

From a report on Toxoplasmosis and car accidents:

“The subjects with latent toxoplasmosis have significantly increased risk of traffic accidents than the noninfected subjects. Relative risk of traffic accidents decreases with the duration of infection. These results suggest that ‘asymptomatic’ acquired toxoplasmosis might in fact represent a serious and highly underestimated public health problem, as well as an economic problem. “

I’m not saying Toxoplasma causes zombism — but it can create strange mental faculties, cause aggression and risk taking and reduce reaction time. Are cats evil? Quite possibly yes.

Are food-borne parasites a major cause of car accidents? – Science that Matters.

Czech scientists discover link between accidents, blood group and parasite – Radio.cz

Here’s some science of the new decade for you: how about draining pigs of their blood, making them clinically dead, and then bringing them back to life?

Naturally, this is a military project, and those always end well. The theory goes, if you drain a pig (which has a physiology similar to humans) of blood and replace it with a cocktail of hydrogen sulfide, you will extend the “golden period” where life saving surgery and medical treatment are possible. Basically, you shut down the brain and heart, placing the patient in suspended animation, and bring them back later.

Dr Matthew Miller working on the project states: “Everybody’s talking about the military use of this, and that’s our focus now.” He continues, “but really, this could be much, much bigger than that.”

This will surely save lives on the battlefield if perfected, but at what cost? Where does mental deterioration and unstable psychosis set in? Agreed, this could be a stretch, but this reanimation research continues.

With a 15-person team working exclusively on this project, successful results are expected within 18 months. “Darpa wants this to happen yesterday, because it was needed yesterday,” Dr. Miller said. Once the team comes up with the right elixir, it’ll undergo federally mandated safety testing. After that, the vaccine will be sent to the battlefield for application to live humans.

One may call it suspended animation, life extension or a zombie vaccine, but the science and research into extended life after death continues.

Resources

Pentagon: Zombie Pigs First, Then Hibernating Soldiers (Wired)

Pentagon Plans Zombie Pig Project: Night of the Living Swine? (Gadget review)

Second Illustration: Marmoto

Class 3 Outbreak is a Flash and Google Maps based zombie apocalypse simulator produced by Binary Space.

It’s about damn time someone made something like this.

Scientists take note: such a tool will be useful in analyzing statistics such as population, area, civil defense and zombie offensive structure.  Variables such as police, citizens, zombies, speed and infection rate can be manipulated to great detail. The current map covers a small section of Washington D.C., featuring stores, streets, parks, police and homes. The default settings of 100 zombies vs. 6000 civilians are distressing, and seem to coincide with a report by science’s R.J. Smith?. See Zombie Mathematical Model: Slim Chances for Survival for more information.

The pathfinding in the simulation is accurate and gory. Gangs of zombies can be seen grouping together and chasing uninfected civilians. Unfortunately, the civilians simply run around in circles  awaiting their inevitable death.

The simulator appears to model buildings and obstacles. Humans gathered in buildings survive far longer, so long as the exits remain protected from gathering zombies. Once an infected makes it inside a building, it turns into a slaughter house.

You want to survive? No sentimental attachments. Stay indoors. Dump the bodies.

Try the simulator. Pick a random survivor as yourself, and see how you do. Class 3 Outbreak

More shock, more horror, more psychotic zombie paranoia!

The Undead Report will be on Red Bar Radio’s Hallowe’en show again. Last year was a great time, much zombie survival advice was dispensed, and killing tactics were planned.

Tune in Friday, October 30th at 3PM CST!

Red Bar Radio is an Internet radio comedy talk show in Chicago. They are running a Hallowe’en show on October 30th, and The Undead Report’s Zombie Hunter Sam is one of the guests.

That’s a photo of zombies waiting outside the studio! Man I hate zombies.

The show has a live webcam and chat, so you can interact while the show is airing, with a podcast to follow. If you have anything you’d like to hear discussed, ranted or destroyed, please post a comment. You can listen to Red Bar Radio LIVE on Friday, October 30th at 3PM CST by going to http://redbarradio.com/tv.
Replays are available any time by going to http://redbarradio.com

The Undead Report was featured in G4 TV’s Attack of the Show’s Blogwatch segment, “Best Cataclysmic Zombie Apocalypse Blogs”. The pending zombie apocalypse is no laughing matter! At around 1:07, you’ll see Sam on watch, a pic from this post. Want to buy the stuff you saw on the show? Check out the Zombie Weapons and Gear Store, support this site and purchase man woman and child zombie targets, or just play some zombie hunting Flash games.

Attack of the Show

Also check out the Zombie Research Society — doctors and scientists performing zombie research and hypotheses. Transmission via mosquito? stay informed. They maintain an excellent zombie science blog.

SCIENCE: When the zombies attack, it will lead to the collapse of civilization unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.

How long will civilization have in a zombie attack? A city with a population around 500,000 will have between three and eight days before irreversible catastrophe. This report is based on a well researched, though fictionalized outbreak of the reanimation of the dead. While an uprising of the dead is highly improbable, it remains that a highly contagious and infectious zombie cause could have similar results.

The report was written by several Mathematicians in Canada, notably Robert J. Smith?, an Austrailian who probably sang backup for ? and The Mysterians.  P. Munz, I. Hudea, J. Imad and R.J. Smith? When zombies attack!: Mathematical modelling of an outbreak of zombie infection (PDF)

The researchers chose “classic” slow-moving zombies as our opponents rather than the nimble, fast, and somewhat intelligent creatures portrayed in recent films. “While we are trying to be as broad as possible in modelling zombies – especially as there are many variables – we have decided not to consider these individuals,” the researchers said. This is a fatal flaw in the report, as contagious, “fast” zombies have a 100% chance of happening, over the highly improbably undead.

One should take note on the rising global consciousness of zombies tthrough fear, research, art (through film and literature) and popular culture.  Several keen readers and friends have forwarded me the document, and it has been written about on several blogs and has made the news, including the BBC.

Zombie Epidemiology

Science ponders ‘zombie attack’ (BBC)

Science Proves Zombies Will Kill Us All (Asylum.com)

Scientists claim ‘zombie attack’ would collapse civilization (Current.com)

Mathematical Model for Surviving a Zombie Attack (Wired)

These pieces of information, however, require further research and your immediate concern:

Patient accused of biting off doctor’s fingertip, which is similar to this zombie sighting in May 2009:  Zombie Bite in New Orleans.

Woman Sets Self On Fire In Mall

Undead or infected? Horror movie puritanism or scientific reality? Discussion and debate surrounds not which makes a better film, but which is more likely to happen. You can blame science. The zombie outbreak will most likely be the result of some experiment gone wrong, an adaptive virus, or horrible pathogen. Save a giant UFO hiding behind a comet that animates dead bodies instead of trucks and electric knives, many of us will die by actual, angry, infected humans.

Some possible, semi-grounded in science explanaitons, as offered by Cracked.com:

• Brain parasites  - i.e. Toxoplasma gondii, or Naegleria fowleri.
• Neurotoxins – (Tetrodotoxin, though this just induces a coma-like, non threatening state).
• Adaptaive and aggressive rabies strain or other neurotropic virus  (resulting in aggressive and contagious rabies like symptoms).
• Neurogenesis (recreation and reanimation of brain cells).
• Nanobots (though not a traditional infection, imagine a Terminator like apiocalypse, only with hundreds of thousands of self-replicating, human hating machines).
• Immortal cells - i.e. Helacyton gartleri cancer cells which do not die.

There won’t be reanimated corpses. If you survive the infection, you will be murdering alive, and perhaps conscious humans.

Mr. T is half right. There will be no reanimated corpses. Muscle movement depends upon Adenosine Triphosphate, which depends on flowing, oxygenated blood. Yet Mr. T. overlooks one essential fact: ATP is still be produced by very much alive, maddened and sickened humans. These humans may run fast or slow, but they won’t be dead.

For some horror and zombie purists, no “infected” or fast zombie is a true zombie, they insist only the George Romero Night of the Living Dead slow moving reanimated corpses are actual zombies. These purists often claim the fast running new Dawn of the Dead undead are a new invention and should be left to die. The opposing and newer Danny Boyle 28 Days Later school says zombies are fast running, “rage” virus infected, living humans, and differentiates so by calling them “infected” instead of “zombies”. Unfortunately, the Romero zombie (with a possible exception for voodoo) is only a zombie of film. The virus or disease infected zombie is much more probable. However, the undead and fast running, leaping, Boomer, Smoker, Witch, Tank or Hunter zombies must remain in Left 4 Dead and Resident Evil.

Your zombies will be very much alive, and they will be maddened and they will probably not feel or be aware of pain. They could seek you out, potentially in groups, though solitary or unmindful of other infected is also possible. They will not want to eat your brains, they will only want to viciously attack and bite anything that gets near them. Imagine the cross between a rabid wolverine and a violent, knife weilding psychopath. That’s your zombie, and he or she will be contagious. Headhsots will certainly bring them down, as will multiple center of mass shots, but they will take many bullets before they are terminated.

You’ll need to worry about the people who don’t know they are harbingers of the virus, carriers of disease, or bringers of parasties. Who in your party can you trust? Did that bite really break the skin? Taking care of hordes of the undead may sound like fun, but mom won’t be dead. She’s still your mom. And dad didn’t tell you yet, but she’s pregnant with your baby sister. Are you sure you’re up to this?

ZOMBIE TARGETS! Buy now!

Whether you shoot paintball, Nerf or live armor piercing incendiary rounds, take these targets to the range for some lively fun and apocalypse prepartion.

The targets come in three flavors so far: Creepy Child Zombie, Fat Guy Zombie and the Hot Chick Zombie. Targets are printed on sturdy paper, feature highlighted target areas, concentric grouping circles and more.

ZOMBIE TARGETS!

This is why we can’t have nice things. Zombies.

The Undead Report has assembled a collection of gear including two-way radios, zombie survival guides, med kits, knives, spears, tools and more so you’ll be prepared for  any disaster, but especially those full of the undead.

If the apocalypse never comes, you’ll at least have some cool stuff.

Be ready, stay low, keep moving.