SCIENCE: When the zombies attack, it will lead to the collapse of civilization unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.

How long will civilization have in a zombie attack? A city with a population around 500,000 will have between three and eight days before irreversible catastrophe. This report is based on a well researched, though fictionalized outbreak of the reanimation of the dead. While an uprising of the dead is highly improbable, it remains that a highly contagious and infectious zombie cause could have similar results.

The report was written by several Mathematicians in Canada, notably Robert J. Smith?, an Austrailian who probably sang backup for ? and The Mysterians.  P. Munz, I. Hudea, J. Imad and R.J. Smith? When zombies attack!: Mathematical modelling of an outbreak of zombie infection (PDF)

The researchers chose “classic” slow-moving zombies as our opponents rather than the nimble, fast, and somewhat intelligent creatures portrayed in recent films. “While we are trying to be as broad as possible in modelling zombies – especially as there are many variables – we have decided not to consider these individuals,” the researchers said. This is a fatal flaw in the report, as contagious, “fast” zombies have a 100% chance of happening, over the highly improbably undead.

One should take note on the rising global consciousness of zombies tthrough fear, research, art (through film and literature) and popular culture.  Several keen readers and friends have forwarded me the document, and it has been written about on several blogs and has made the news, including the BBC.

Zombie Epidemiology

Science ponders ‘zombie attack’ (BBC)

Science Proves Zombies Will Kill Us All (Asylum.com)

Scientists claim ‘zombie attack’ would collapse civilization (Current.com)

Mathematical Model for Surviving a Zombie Attack (Wired)

These pieces of information, however, require further research and your immediate concern:

Patient accused of biting off doctor’s fingertip, which is similar to this zombie sighting in May 2009:  Zombie Bite in New Orleans.

Woman Sets Self On Fire In Mall

This is why we can’t have nice things. Zombies.

The Undead Report has assembled a collection of gear including two-way radios, zombie survival guides, med kits, knives, spears, tools and more so you’ll be prepared for  any disaster, but especially those full of the undead.

If the apocalypse never comes, you’ll at least have some cool stuff.

Be ready, stay low, keep moving.

Words fail me. The book comes out this May. My only concern is that the co-author Seth Grahame-Smith turns a zombie holocaust into something humorous, fanciful, or too fictionalized.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies features the original text of Jane Austen’s beloved novel with all-new scenes of hopefully realistic ultra violent corpse dismemberment and human eating, bone crunching zombie action.

From the Entertainment Weekly interview with the author:

…we arrived at Pride and Prejudice and Zombies because, when you take a look at the original book, it’s almost as if, subconsciously, Jane Austen is laying out the perfect groundwork for an ultraviolent bone-crushing zombie massacre to take place. For instance, there’s a regiment of soldiers camped out near the Bennett household. In the book, they’re just there for characters to flirt with. But it’s not that big a leap to say, Okay, they’re there because the countryside has been overrun with what they call the “unmentionable menace.”

…They call zombies “unmentionables” because it’s a very polite society and the word “zombie” is kind of like a curse word. These aristocrats are trying to get on with their lives as best they can, despite the fact that the country is being devoured around them. They still have their balls and their teas and their manners. It was terrific fun to write, in the style of Jane Austen, describing horrific deaths and entire villages being slaughtered and burned to the ground.

So, pre-order your copy now, and start doing some polite society zombie extermination homework!

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance – Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!

Other books and films I heartily recommend:

And if you haven’t seen Fido, you should. It’s hilarious, and an excellent spin on zombie culture. We won!

The 2012 thing – if you’re reading this article, chances are you’re already familiar with it. The 2012 thing refers to the conveniently predicted end-of-the-world or great change coming December 21st, 2012. Many apocalypse theories are vague and dark, leaving many details rough, ambiguous and open to interpretation. The 2012 eschaton comes from several cultures and gives us a very certain date to prepare not necessarily for the end of existence or the world, but “the end of the world as we know it” – TEOTWAWKI.

Prophecies aside, how does 2012 relate to a zombie apocalypse? Certainly our world could be forever changed on this date by an unnoticed eschatological asteroid, disease or terrible quaking of the earth. The walking dead? Also plausible. Current scientific research into disease, reanimation and cellular re-genesis is progressing as rapidly as other scientific disciplines. Particularly terrifying is the reanimation of the 1918 Spanish influenza virus, responsible for a pandemic that killed an estimated 20 million people. Scientists have gathered important new clues to why the virus spread quickly and killed efficiently (though its use as a bio-weapon has not been confirmed). The viral resurrection is brought about for research and a vaccine against itself – which of course has already been eradicated – and the virus is being harvested from corpses, notably the body of a woman buried in the Alaskan permafrost. Unchecked adaptive and opportunistic pathogens claim a definite component of our eschaton, and an escaped weaponized version will most certainly wreak havoc against an unprepared and innocent populace. There’s no guarantee the new vaccine will work well on humans, a problem because nobody born after 1930 is immune to the 1918 strain.

The physical walking dead demand a certain suspense of disbelief of course. Assuming a plausible 20% of the worlds population has been infected by a terminal pathogen, our fragile infrastructure and socioeconomic systems will begin to break down as well. Weakened immune systems will render humans more susceptible to the likes of Trypanosoma brucei, a parasite that carries nightmarish qualities, reducing many of its victims to a zombie-like state before they slip into a coma and die. Toxoplasma gondii can alter brain functions in rats, leading them to the jaws of cats – and in humans can change brain patterns to induce neuroses, paranoia and schizophrenia. Left with a rotting brain and primitive fight-or-flight instincts, an entire populace can be reduced to weakened lumbering shadows of humans, stumbling around for food. Not actually dead or undead, these stupefied humans will be harbingers of disease, parasites, bacteria and infectious rot, whose saliva and blood will be rich with zombifying toxins.

Disease ridden walking corpses are one thing. Reanimating brain-dead humans has been discussed before and is a very real possibility. Restoring a human from a cryogenic stasis and reanimating their dying brain tissue yields the possibility that a human may not be the same as they were when they expired. This leaves much speculation as to a reanimated form of a human being, but combined with the virii and diseases mentioned above – you get the idea.

Five years is a fine timeframe for viruses to be developed and mutate as well as science achieving groundbreaking results in reanimation. “Where will I be in five years?” Loading shotguns and pistols seems like a nice course of action, but they’re more for your protection against opportunistic looters, crazies and deranged survivors rather than walking corpses. In five years I will be watching the news with cautious eyes – and stocking up like I would for any emergency.

Guns and beer.

• Researchers Reconstruct 1918 Pandemic Influenza Virus
• Scientists Describe How 1918 Influenza Virus Sample Was Exhumed In Alaska
• Reanimated Infection
• The disease that makes people zombies
• Toxoplasmosis

Check these out if your brain is hungry for more: