There are precious few days left until the weather turns really sour. On Friday, expect a low of 54 degrees and a high of 8 million degrees. The romanticism of the apocalypse is certainly one of its draws — a life without taxes, homework, or dentists — but we will miss a few things we take for granted in this pre-zombie world.
Make a list of the little things you’ll miss. Then go to the store, the pub, or the zoo and collect those things. Not only will they boost morale, they just might save your butt.
Here’s a list of 5 things we’ll all miss dearly during the zombie apocalypse.
Cheese just won’t be easy to come by, and what we do have will go fast. With zombies munching on cows, and cheese makers turned into brain eaters, we just won’t be able to get hold of extra sharp cheddar, Camembert, or brie like we can today. Good bye, cheese. Good bye Cheetos.
No people. no workers. no paper industry, no toilet paper. If you don’t have some now, I suggest heading out to the grocery to pick up a few thousand rolls. Sure, leaves are an options, but there’s something just so civilized about using TP. But when you think about it, it’s really archaic and disgusting. I wish there were a wand that would give me a full 18″ reach… but we’d still not have TP.
Can you imagine never TPing someones house again? And if you did, it would be a capital offense!
Ah bacon, the staple food product of the Internet. If the Internet had a taste, it would be bacon flavored.
With livestock such a delicious treat to zombies (and survivors), this will be hard to come by. It may last a little longer if properly cured or salted, but it won’t be around forever. No more bac-os, baconnaise, bacon or bacon flavored bacon.
Luckily for preppers, tactical canned bacon exists and has a shelf life of ten years.
Time for long pork!
Twinkies have already hit their own personal apocalypse! They won’t survive it, they are the apocalypse!
Seriously, good luck finding any in the new years. Spongy golden goodness, we will miss you.
Beer. Liquid bread. Yes, it’s been brewed for thousands of years, but enjoying the variety of craft brews, micro brews, imports and specialty beers will be a thing of the past.
Goodbye porters. So long Guinness. No more Goose Island. Ta ta, oatmeal stouts. So long, pilsner.
Stock up on beer. Yesterday. And save me one.