Ten Simple Things for Robust Zombie Preparedness

By Zombie Hunter Sam

It’s coming. Soon. Are you prepared? The CDC and your girlfriend want you to be prepared for any disaster, zombie, hurricane or running out of chapstick crapstorm that may happen. If you plan ahead and think about how the proverbial shit may hit the fan, and to what degree, your preparedness will pay off in the short and long term.

There are a zillion things you can use for weapons, as you’re most likely aware. Some practical, some extreme, some personal — weapon choice is highly contested and left for another debate. The following are a few (non-weapon) items to get you started for a variety of scenarios on a reasonable budget.

1 – Gas mask. You want something real, not an old Israeli or Canadian something or other that you can’t trust. Nerve agents may be used. Corpses may stink. You may just want to intimidate the dead.

Recommendation:  SGE 400/3 NBC Full Facepiece Respirator ($175). Fun tip: if you get confused with the enraged zombies and are hit with tear gas (CS gas), rub Maalox on your face. CS gas is an acidic powder and the Maalox counteracts it. Milk helps as well.

Short term: Awesome to have, useful to prevent mesothelioma if you’re crawling in forbidden places of urban exploration. Long term: keeping your ass alive.

2 – Communication. How will you rally the troops and order for a zombie skin pizza? While some services may remain in the early hours of an apocalypse, you’ll need something for short and long distance communication. Radios. A few pocket radios and a trusty CB for your vehicle will help you stay alert and alive.

Recommendation – Good ol’ GMRS walkie talkies. Look for something that can handle water getting on it and is rugged enough to be dropped. Motorola makes a decent pair, though you’ll never get more than two or three miles out of any GMRS radio.

Short term: Great for road trips. Long term: coordinating information and trolling other survivors on the channel.

3 – Multi-tool or knife. Stuff will need cutting, fixing, and stabbing. It will also need opening, wrenching and prying. It’s best to have a tool at your side that can serve many functions. No uni-taskers on your belt.

Recommendation: Gerber Multi-Tool ($48).

Short term: you may use it every day. Long term: Again, this could save your life.

4 – Boots. Comfort is a must, and this is a very personal choice. You’ll want ankle protection and good traction. Leather provides ample room, protection and is fairly light weight, but its warmth and water resistance can falter occasionally.

Recommendation: 5-11 ATAC Boot ($99). I also recommend Carolina 923 ($160). Leather and wool treat one well, in summer or winter.

Short term: come on, you look smashing! Long term: Staying comfortable and protecting your tender toes.

5 – Torch. Here, too, you want reliability over features. You’re going to need a long life flashlight over something super bright with strobes. Practicality over wishful thinking.

Recommendation: The ever reliable, had it for years and I’ve used it underwater Mini Maglite.

Short term: Stop using your cell phone. Long term: Stop using your cell phone.

6 – Entertainment. You don’t want to be bored do you? Just because its the end of the world doesn’t mean it has to be the end of fun. A small MP3 player with USB charging is ideal, but don’t forget a small radio with aux input or SW radio capabilities to share the news and tunes.

Recommendation – Your personal MP3 player or Wind-up SW radio receiver ($50). There are many on the market, but make sure it has wind up auxiliary power, and if possible an aux input for your MP3 player.

Short term: You probably already have one. Long term: Sanity.

7 – Medical treatment. It’s not the cut or bite that kills, its the infection and bacteria. You’ll want to keep those wounds clean and address them quickly. There are many First Aid Kits (FAKs) on the market, but be sure to inspect it and customize it to your needs. Pack anti-mosquito spray if you’re in the jungle, frostbite kits for the frozen north, and so forth.

Recommendation: Voodoo FAK ($50). An alternative is to buy and empty pouch and then customize to your needs. Dont forget knives and scissors.

Short term: Hangnails. Long term: Rigor mortis prevention.

8 – Power. You’re going to need to power your radios, music players, GPS’s and floodlights somehow. Solar collectors and battery chargers are your friends. Think versatility: 12V accessory, USB, and small inverters. You want to charge some gadgets, not blow dry your hair, so you don’t need a massive system.

Rubber shoes in motion!

Rubber shoes in motion! Thanks to TeslaDownUnder.com

Recommendation – A battery and USB charger in one. Try the XTG Solar Charger ($25) for AA, AAA and USB Charging.

Short term: Being green. Long term: Keeping you moving and operating.

9 – Directions. You’ll need to get around, and your smart phone will probably not cut it anymore. It’s time for tried and true means of getting your bearings. Map and compass; with them, you are never lost.

Recommendation – Road atlas and sturdy metal compass. You can pick both up at a hardware store or large gas station for around $20. Paper maps will do you well to make notes, plan courses, and find points of interest.

Short term: It’s good to know how to use these for the Long Term: Prevent doubling back, getting lost, and winding up in Atlanta. The city is always full of the Walken Dead.

10 – Rope. You never know when you’re gonna need rope. Tying bundles, rigging a shelter, hauling equipment or lashing down some undead, make sure you have a decent supply of rope, and know your knots. Simple knots and good rope can get you up a building, down a cliff, or save your life.

Recommendation: Charlie Bronson’s always got rope.

What else would you recommend for robust preparedness in any situation? Leave your comments below.

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Filed Under: Preparedness · Science

20 million infected

  • 1 Dookie791 Nov 10, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    Why does it not surprise me that all of your articles are beautifully written? I recommend keeping a journal. Keeps your head on straight, gives perspective. That, and you shouldn’t just talk to the dead like Richtoften. I’ll be glad If the shit hits the fan while I’m in Chicago, I go there often.

  • 2 Zombie Hunter Sam Nov 12, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Thanks Dookie, for the compliment. I keep a log for tracking my maritime hours. Yes, I agree — keeping a journal during the apocalypse or for training and research is a fantastic idea. Memory falters, but when one writes it down, it is far more valuable.

    #11 – Journal. Record your experiences, notes, encounters, provisions and day-to-day conditions.

  • 3 Gail Nov 13, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    THAT rope video is the most brilliant drama I’ve ever seen. Well. I saw Nabucco at the Met yesterday. It had better music and singing. But for black humor, ROPE is superb.

  • 4 Cody Nov 14, 2011 at 9:27 am

    al ways be shure u have a sorce of heat as well like flint for thos camp fires and blankets made fo fleese and dookie are u willing to meeet me at navy peir when the shit hits the fan i already have a group but we always ally up

  • 5 Cody Nov 14, 2011 at 11:21 am

    actualy not navy peir but meet me some were sith out the brain eating bastards i will also be willing to get the whole group that is on Undeadreport.com to become a “colony” so to speak

  • 6 JohnJamesReubenWilde Nov 16, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    beautifully written, people seem to think its all about shooting the shit outta the undead. i’d also include so form of energy pills or something, something to give you that buzz when you have no option but to run. I live in the UK and i am keeping an eye on the CDC reports. worrying stuff. i have put together a small team and we have trained for the coming appocalypse, were fully prepared. we have had army AND raf training, if anyone needs help feel free to contact me.

  • 7 Dookie791 Nov 16, 2011 at 8:14 pm

    I’m so glad I lived my childhood like a cub scout, even though I wasn’t one. Good thing I got 10 and 11 totally down. Knots come naturally, and I keep a flight log. Now my next priority is to find some nice boots.

  • 8 Zombie Hunter Sam Nov 17, 2011 at 8:14 am

    Please tell us more, JohnJames! If you’d like to detail a weekend training regimen, I happily accept articles from my members.

  • 9 Cody Nov 17, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Dookie im part of the group called CAP (Civil Air Patrol) and we work on rescue missions and being a medic comes to me as an instingt along with an abilaty to fly aircraft

  • 10 Dookie791 Nov 17, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    I love hearing about these little organizations who will try to survive the apacolypse. Chances are, they will last longer if they have any type of military training or just pure skill.They need less ammo, food, and the well trained ones will be able to preserve these things longer. JohnJames, need a pilot?

  • 11 Cody Nov 28, 2011 at 11:08 am

    Try to suvive? I will survive as for the other members I don’t know.

  • 12 Kim Nov 29, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    If and when stuff hits the fan I am headed to costco. I’ll live in the rafters if i must…but they have food, supplies, a pharmacy and ours is so far out in the boonies I imagine there wont be too many obstacles…unless stuff hits the fan on sunday, mid morning after church lets out.

  • 13 Cody Nov 30, 2011 at 9:44 am

    The only problem with Costco is the fact you have no weapons and nothing for long range attacks.

  • 14 JohnJamesReubenWilde Dec 1, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    Hey guys sorry i havent been on in a while (i really should sign upproperly but im terrible with passwords) Yeah ive been bought up in quite a well off family so i had a high ranking member of the army whom served full time teach me, and ive had airforce training, me and some members of my team are setting up a ‘survival’ task, in which we’ll start in Wales, and walk across back into the midlands of england with only a 24hr ration pack and air rifles to hunt. anyone is welcome to join. also im currently in motion of buying a church (to change into a house) and i’ll be putting in a panic room and have steel shutters for the windows, its close to a marina so if all else fails we’ll be able to take a boat as one of the newer members is able to man a boat. with the contacts we have as well we have a tank up for sale for £16,500. the turret has been deactivated,but im sure you’ll find someone to reactivate it for you. ill give more details on the survival weekend as and when it comes. JJRW.

  • 15 JohnJamesReubenWilde Dec 1, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Oh and dookie, where do you live and what can you pilot? we REALLY would like someone who can pilot a chinook as i, and my fellow pilot, can only pilot smaller aircraft (i specilize in small helicopters, and the other in small planes). also my partner is a nurse so we have medical side covered. so all in all we have safety (in a soon to be well prepared church-turned-house, with saferoom, food cupboards, water storage, and a back up generator) the air covered (pilots) and waters covered. and an army trained group. unfortunately, due to living in the UK, we have no ‘real’ guns.we have hunting rifles,gas guns, bows, crossbows, knives, axes, ect.so if anyone could bring gunpowder powered guns into the group they need not prove their worth to the team. civilians who dont bring much to the team will do nothing much more than prepare food and keep the ‘safehouse’ clean for the more important survivors. so if you want to message me my facebook name is: Johnny angel. feel free to add just message me saying your from UR. to tell its me ive got alot of tattoo’s and often wear sunglasses. look for a display pic that shows that. hope thats enough info to find me.

  • 16 Cody Dec 2, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    JJRW about that i thnk that most of us are in the US but if people are will ing to join me i can fly us to the Wales airport (depending of th eweather conditions and if i can start the plan) we would be able to help You out. As for the tank did u read the articl about trans portation in the land of the dead a tank would not be so good if u didnt here is the link.


  • 17 Cody Dec 2, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    Im legaly Elgible to fly a Chinook and yes Its no problem i can fly them

  • 18 JohnJamesReubenWilde Dec 3, 2011 at 9:48 am

    Its true, a bog standard tank would not be worth it in the land of the dead. however if you upgraded it and did it up it COULD be pretty effective in some scenario’s. for exaple flattening some ground for an extraction point. or, abit more of a planned scenario, if you could get plenty of zombies into a building (which you could fill with gas tanks) and escape off the roof, one shot from a tank could mean you’d kill plenty of them sons-of-bitches in just one shot.

    ofcourse you can modify plenty of everyday objects, for those of you that havent watched doghouse, fill a supersoaker with lighter fluid, attach a zippo lighter (at a safe distance) and you have yourself a flame thrower.

    alright Cody, well once we have our radio wavelength up, we’ll keep intouch on there and if its needed we’ll let you know when the extraction is needed. obviously if anyone in the US is over run you can either fly to us, or sail to Penbrook for safety.

  • 19 Drake Dec 8, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Lol thats true if this all happens I’ll be shure to contact you.

  • 20 Cody Dec 8, 2011 at 9:53 am

    ^ that was me

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